The Circle of Sin
by Holly Warner
Summary: It's the holidays at Fuuka Academy, and everyone's gone back home. Almost everyone, that is. With nowhere else to go, Yuuki Nao is forced into rooming with Kuga Natsuki for the entire month, the last person she wants to be around
1. On Gilded Wings

**Mai HiME  
The Circle of Sin**

_One who recognises their own sin, has no sin.  
Now I ask you, are you a sinner?_

_Perhaps that is what it means to be bound by sin.  
To keep going around in the same circle looking to find where the sin lies...  
and at some point losing the sight of the way out._

* * *

**Chapter One - On Gilded Wings**

I watch, horror momentarily filling my gaze, as the bell falls down over you, but my worries are for naught. With a flick of my arms, I wrap the whip of my naginata around the bell, the blades tearing it to pieces, before closing around your body. I won't let you go anymore, you're all mine. I pull you towards me, your body falling against mine as I sink to my knees, holding you close. You move your head from my shoulder and as your lips touch mine, shock courses throughout my body. It's not supposed to be like this, you should hate me, hate me for all that I've done to you.

"Shizuru, you were the first one who came to me when I was unable to believe anyone. But, I can't have the feeling that you wish I did. Even then, I'm happy that you loved me."

I can barely hear you over the sounds of Duran and Kiyohime fighting outside, but every word resonates within my breast. You move away from me, kneeling straight upwards as I do the same. How can you look at me like that? I struggle to meet your gaze, shame enveloping me. How can your eyes be so compassionate with all the blood that stains my hands?

"I also love you, Shizuru."

I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, wishing for this one instant to last forever. I know she doesn't mean it the way I wish to interpret it, but what does any of that matter anymore? It is all coming to an end and if even only in a moment of lunacy, I want your words to be true.

"Duran! Load silver cartridges!"

Your cry fills my ears, wrenching my thoughts to the battle outside. If... if you fire and destroy Kiyohime, what will happen to you? I'll lose you and I won't be able to stand that! No! I don't want to lose you, never again!

"Fire!"

I see the cannons blast to the centre of Kiyohime, and an eruption of flame bursts from my Child, quickly enveloping your Duran. As the shockwaves whip around us, the wind tugging at our clothes and hair, I sink my head to your breast, realising what this portends. This moment truly will last forever for us; no more memories will be made whether happy or sad beyond this point. At least we will die together, forever wrapped in each other's arms. I can ask no more of this cursed life I have led, of the heart of the woman I love unrequitedly. "I'm fulfilled," I murmur, truly meaning it. I smile, happy to meet my end like this. I embrace your warmth as we fade away into nothingness, your hearts beat calling to me as we pass onto the next world.

* * *

I feel a tremendous pain tearing at me as I open my eyes. My head still rests upon your breast, and for a few moments, I am disorientated. Where are we? How did we get here? I realise that we're in the church once more... was it just my imagination that we died? And then I hear her words, Director Mashiro talks to us, and rage burns inside of me. How dare she? How dare she do this to me? I wanted to die, I wanted that perfect moment to be the end of my life! How can you take this away from me?

Woodenly, I rise to my feet; swaying unsteadily, I place a hand upon your shoulder to gain my balance, and as I feel you flinch momentarily from my touch, it all comes slamming back down upon me, this terrible burden I must now bear. The things that I have done while lost within my madness, and how other people will look at me from now on, how you will look at me as long as we're together. Tears come unbidden to my eyes as my chest heaves; I bring my hands to my face to try and hide myself away from my shame as it rolls down my face.

"Forgive me. Forgive me, Natsuki." I can do nothing but this, but beg you to absolve my sins, for only you can forgive me. "I'm..."

"It's all right now, Shizuru. It's all right."

Your words are like a balm to my soul. If you can accept what I've done, what I've become and still say that, then I can maybe bring myself to look upon you once again.

"Let's go."

With a nod of my head, I follow you as we leave the church, the HiME star bright above us.

* * *

We ride the night sky on bizarre creatures, soaring towards that baleful star as it glares down upon us. I can feel their eyes upon me, fear and recrimination oscillating around and around as we soar. I clap my hands together, offer a fake smile, and bow my head. "Forgive me," I say, sickeningly cheerful. They start in shock at my attitude, and I wonder if they see right through me, but I hear Midori yelling that it's not the time for jokes, and their attention is taken away from me. I struggle to stay calm on the surface whilst vitriol churns inside my throat, burning away at their foolishness. As if the flame of resurrection has incinerated the hate from my heart, the memories from my mind, and cast the ashes away on the wind. They may be able to forget and forgive, but I cannot, nay, must not. Never again can I afford to let myself loose like that. How could I ever bear to see you look at me with hatred or fear in your eyes? And so, I shall do as I always have, and hide myself behind this mask of flesh and bone, repressing all that I feel and letting you all see the façade I wish you to.

* * *

It hurts. The venom bites away at me, tearing me apart inside. Natsuki, today I must bid you farewell. I wish I could stay with you here for the rest of my life, but I have graduated and you still have your education to continue. Even if that were not the case, I don't believe that I can stay here a moment longer. There are too many bitter memories of my lunacy, my accursed umbra casting a dark shadow over everywhere I survey on the academy grounds. Whilst it is true that I can never escape the cruel deeds I have committed here, I most certainly cannot allow myself to wallow in them, allowing them to devour me whole. How could I betray your belief in me like that? I must flee, my tail between my legs, and I will gladly do so if only to maintain my high regard in your eyes, to justify your faith in me.

And yet, I find myself wondering... is there a place for me in this world? Is there somewhere that I can be safe from myself? I wish that place were by your side but I now know that it could never be. I cannot, will not, bind you to me anymore, and nor will I bind myself to you. You'll always be within my heart, wherever I may go, but I cannot bear being so close and yet so far away from you at the same instant. All that I have done is for naught, all the lonely nights wishing that you were there lying beside me, that your scent would engulf me, that your body and soul would be mine alone, and mine would belong to you. And I can never have you.

I see you lurking by the flowerbeds being tended my Sakomizu-sensei. "Your attendance rate is not nearly high enough," he says, turning to face you. "Without extra classes, you'll have to repeat your freshman year onward."

"Well, but you see... something like that... something can be done, right?" you stammer out, and I can feel the sound of your voice wrenching at my guts.

"Nothing can be done," Sakomizu-sensei deadpans. "I don't think it's time for you to go on a jolly journey."

"W-wait a minute," you stammer once more, as I step out behind you.

"Why? Repeating isn't bad," I hear myself say, once more playing the fool. I can't let you know how much I'm hurting. I don't want your sympathy, your pity. It would just be the final insult.

You whirl around in surprise at my voice, my name on your lips.

"Maybe I shouldn't graduate?" I say as I drop my certificate and yearbook to the floor. You make that shocked/confused face of yours that's so adorable and it hurts so much I just want to fall to the floor and die. Tomorrow I'll be gone, back to Kyoto, and then off to University, far away from you and I'll never see you again. And that's probably for the best. I am dirty, tainted, and I almost pulled you down with me, something I can never allow myself to do again.

* * *

It is time for me to leave; my bags are packed and stored in the taxi waiting for me outside of the dormitory. It's still very early in the morning, but that's for the best. I intend to slip away quietly, unnoticed, and not have to say that final goodbye. I sling the final bag over my shoulder and close the door behind me as I leave. I hurry down the steps and escape from this place, quickly getting into the backseat of the cab. With a nod of his head, the driver starts the car and we make our way towards the front gate, where by the side of the road, I see you, sat upon your motorbike, helmet sat firmly in place upon your head. My hand presses against the window as I drive by, our eyes meeting for a brief moment before you're left behind and we reach open road.

I can feel my mask slipping as a slick wetness rolls down my cheek. My shoulders shake as I sob quietly, not willing to let out any noise. I assume the driver can see my state but he says nothing, of which I am thankful for. I don't want to talk about it; I don't even want to think about it. You're gone from my life, and I don't dare let you back in. This has to be the end of it. If you love something, let it go...


	2. Standing Alone

**Chapter Two - Standing Alone**

I hate the smell of this place. The disinfectant on its own is bad enough, but it doesn't mask the odour of futility that shrouds here with its dark miasma. And yet, I've spent so much of my life in places like this. I step aside within the elevator to make room for the trolley an orderly has just pushed in, bearing another patient, this one a child.

"Third floor please," asks the orderly, so I hit the button; I'm heading to the second myself. Same thing I do every day, every single damned day. I look down at the child and her face is calm as she sleeps; seeing her soft expression makes me feel sick and I just want to smash everything.

A bell tolls out and the elevator stops, the doors sliding open. I step through quickly, making my way through the familiar corridor and up to the reception desk for this floor. The nurse takes one look at me and smiles, giving me a nod of her head. I nod back for lack of anything to say and carry on past until I reach the room I'm after. I slip inside quietly, stepping around the curtain to stare down at the inert form lying on the bed in exactly the same position you're in every time I see you. Your chest rises up and down with each breath the respirator forces into your frail body, but that's the only movement within this chamber. Walking to the head of the bend, I lean over and push a lock of hair away from your forehead before placing a kiss there. "I'm back mama," I whisper, before sinking down into a chair.

Every day I come here to watch you breathe. Even the nurses don't bother to come in to keep me company any more, they only turn up to check you're doing alright and then they leave the two of us alone again. I used to talk to you, but I've already run out of things to say, so all that's left is just to sit here and watch.

I remember when you materialised in my arms, when that interloping bitch Mashiro finally did something useful. I was so happy, my mama was back. But you're still broken, and so am I. It didn't really fix anything, didn't make it any better. I'm still alone. There's only one thing left I can do for my mama and as I wipe at my eyes, I realise I'm already doing it. Tears are all I can offer you now.

* * *

I'm not sure what time it is as I leave the hospital, but it's not like it really matters. Get home, eat food, sleep, work, come here. It all just keeps repeating; I hate to admit it but I actually miss school, even if I didn't pay all that much attention. At least then I could waste my time being scornful, now I don't even have that.

Finally reaching the apartment, I let myself in and collapse onto the sofa. Doesn't seem like my roommate is back yet and I'm starving, so I pad over to the fridge and open it up. You'd think I'd know better by now. Mayonnaise. Lots of bottles of mayonnaise. Goddamn Kuga. Goddamn school administrators sticking me in the same apartment as her. Their reasoning was since there was only a few students staying in the dorms over the holidays, and I'm not technically a freshman until the new term begins, they couldn't leave me in a room on my own. Goddamn Aoi going back home. So of all people who are staying here, the administrators pick Kuga bloody Natsuki as my temporary roommate. I don't think it really could have been much worse, though thankfully, they didn't throw me in with Tokiha and the midget. Speaking of them, I'm really hungry and I don't think there's anything other than mayonnaise here, so I head over to their apartment. I know Tokiha won't let me go hungry, she's way too interfering not to.

As I'm walking down the corridor, I see Kuga coming the other way. If anything, she's been as bad as I have about all this; ever since that psychotic bitch left she's been in a funk. Personally, I'm glad to see the back of Fujino, she creeped the fuck out of me, but Kuga's gone all boo hoo about it. Makes me sick, I swear. I mean, at times she nearly made me respect her, but right now I'm not even close. Still...

As we pass, neither of us look at each other, both ignoring each other. I get half way down the corridor before biting off a curse. "Kuga!" I shout out. She turns to face me, a look of surprise on her face. "No food in the fridge, 'cept your mayo. Wanna come get some grub from Mai instead?"

She hesitates, before turning away from me again and just walking on. "Yeah, fuck you too Kuga," I mutter before I continue on to Tokiha and the midget's apartment. The big-boobed one tries to get me to talk whilst she's cooking me food, but I'm not particularly interested. I guess I should say something since she doesn't have to cook for me in the slightest, but how do you make small conversation? Let's face it, if I'm talking to someone, I'm either being nasty or seducing them; I don't know how to be nice, and I doubt Tokiha's about to let me into her panties.

...Well, probably won't.

"Kuga's ignoring me," I say, between mouthfuls of ramen. "She completely blanked me when I was on my way over here."

Tokiha sighs, crossing her arms across her chest as she leans onto the table. Is she doing that on purpose? "She's really not taking Shizuru's leaving too well, is she?"

"That's a bit of an understatement."

"I mean, towards the end, she was starting to really open up to me, but now it's like she's regressed back to how she used to be. Worse even."

I pause, uncertain of how to phrase my next question. "Do... do you think she was then?"

"Was what?" Tokiha asks.

"In love with Fujino."

"Well, that's the billion yen question, isn't it?" Tokiha grins as she leans backwards. Seriously, I swear she IS doing that on purpose. A serious expression crosses her face. "Seriously though, I don't know everything that was going on towards the end, but I was kind of hoping you'd keep a close eye on Natsuki. She seems pretty fragile right now, and she could do with our help."

I'm none too pleased with the idea, but I guess Tokiha is right. But would Kuga do the same for me if it were the other way around? I doubt it. Still, I nod my head. A wide smile takes its place upon Tokiha's face as she lets out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you're helping. What with all the shifts I'm working at Linden Baum, and Mikoto taking up most of the rest of my time, Natsuki comes a poor third I'm afraid. Though..." now she hesitates. "I suppose you have problems enough of your own right now, Yuuki-san."

"It's not like there's a lot for me to do at the hospital, so I guess I can spare a few hours for Kuga-sitting. She won't like this at all though, I can tell you that!"

"No kidding, she hates having other people care for her. Still, we may well be able to remedy that."

Can't fault her for her optimism. Oh wait, yes I can. But she fed me, so I keep my comments to myself. "Where's the midget then? It's been pretty quiet in here."

"Oh, she's playing with the cats most likely. She'll show up when she gets hungry. Actually, she's been staying out later and later recently. I think maybe she's getting a bit bored, what with the school being virtually deserted and no Orphans to fight. Since Nagi was the one spawning them, and he disappeared when the Carnival ended, I think we've seen the last of them."

"I guess I should be heading back to my room," I say as I rise to my feet. "Uh, thanks for the food."

"Please, come back any time you need feeding. I'm pretty used to cooking at all hours to satisfy the bottomless pit, so one or two other people are just fine. Try bringing Natsuki with you, will you?" she says as she walks me to the door.

"I wouldn't get your hopes up with that; I tried today and she was having none of it. Still, I'll give it a shot." With that, I let myself out and make my way through the silent corridors back to the gloomy dorm room I'm stuck in for the rest of this month. I can feel the mood permeating its way through the door as I steel myself to enter.

I slip in quietly, noting the pack of beer sitting on the table and the door leading to the balcony open. What the hell, I might be criminally underage, but I'm not gonna turn down a free drink, so I grab a bottle and open it with my teeth, spitting the cap into a nearby bin. Taking a quick swig, I go onto the balcony where Kuga is huffing away on a cigarette, her bottle hanging limply from her free hand as she leans over the side. She turns at my appearance, her expression for a moment unguarded before it quickly changes into a glare at the beer in my hand.

"Who said you could have one?" she asks angrily as she turns to look back outwards.

"Well, you could get all hissy and demand I leave them alone, and then I follow you around and make sure you don't get served anywhere in town, or you can leave me be and keep on buying them. How's that for a compromise?" I grin as I take another pull, but the result of my nettling is unexpected as Kuga's shoulders slump. "What's the matter, Kuga? No glib remark? No pithy comeback?"

"Just leave me alone Nao," she mutters. Well, that takes all the fun out of this. I turn to leave, but thoughts of the recent conversation with Mai stop me. "Look, I... well crap, I don't know how to do this stuff, but if you want to talk or something, I can listen."

"Offering to lend me a sympathetic ear, Nao?"

"Hah, yeah right. I'll call you on your bullshit and you know it, but that might be just what you need."

She whirls around to face me, her expression a taut grimace. "Don't even think to know what it is I need!"

"I know what you want at least. Not that I'm all teary-eyed at seeing the back of her," I sneer.

She flicks the still-lit cigarette over the side, and pausing only to send me another glare, she whirls back inside, grabbing the pack of beer as she retreats to the bedroom.

"Well, I don't know about her, but I'm sure feeling better about myself," I mutter with a smirk. "Most fun I've had in days."

* * *

I have the good grace to leave Kuga a while before I head to the bedroom. She's curled up on the bed, the sheets strewn all over the place. She looks... lonely. I guess that's something I know a lot about, facing this big bad world all on your own, nobody there by your side to back you up when you need it. She doesn't even have an anchor here anymore, now that psycho-bitch has turned tail. She's lost and there's no one to show her the way.

I'd never admit it, but I really did respect her. She didn't take any crap from anyone and always stood tall, but now she's just a shell of the strong person I used to admire. I wrap one of the sheets around her, trying not to disturb her as she sleeps, before I sit down on the bed furthest from her, my arms holding my head up as I watch her.

I'm not used to this goody-goody crap mama, but still, Tokiha's right, isn't she? Kuga does need somebody to help her through this, and I guess I'm in the situation where I should hold out my hand to support her. Just, this would all be so much easier if you were here, if you could support me while I support her. How am I supposed to help her when I can't even help myself? Why won't you wake up mama? Why can't you be here for me?


	3. By Your Side

**Chapter Three - By Your Side**

I'm starting to get really pissed off at all this. Sakomizu's still pretending he's a real teacher and has me doing schoolwork even though I did all the extra classes and crap needed to avoid repeating the last two years. This was all a lot easier when I had you... helping me. Shit. You know, I swore I'd try to go an entire day without thinking about you, but that didn't last long now, did it? I throw my pen down to the table in disgust, slumping back into my seat. You didn't even say a word when you left, but then, I knew you were going to try and sneak off, that's why I was waiting by the gate for you. But still...

Arg, this is infuriating. You've gone so I should be able to get you out of my head, but your shadow still haunts me. I don't know, I wish that I had loved you the way you wanted; maybe then I wouldn't feel this crappy about it all. You were always there for me when I needed you, even after the Carnival ended, and I know how much it must have hurt you for me to be so close and yet so far, but I can't help what's inside my heart any more than you could. With time, could I have come to love you? I don't know, and I guess now we'll never know. I think part of it is that I never even considered the idea of you feeling that way about me, or vice versa. Instead, you were just my best friend, the shoulder I could always lean on. But now that crutch is gone and I'm floundering on my own.

I shake my head, trying to get thoughts of you out of it, before I pick up the pen again and turn my mind back to the essay I'm supposed to be writing.

About half an hour later, Sakomizu waddles back in. I give him my best glare as I offer up the sheets of paper I've filled up. "Can I get out of here now?" I ask petulantly.

"You know, if you put in half the effort you used in investigating the First District, you'd do a lot better in class," he replies with a smile. I continue glaring until he finally accedes. "Fine, you can go Natsuki-san. I'll get this back to you tomorrow."

I quickly grab my stuff and scoot out before he has time to say anything else. I'm not in the mood for another lecture and I've got... well, no, I don't have better things to do, but anything's better than this, right? Walking through the empty school grounds, I'm feeling pretty run down. It's just... well, what am I supposed to do now? The First District was pretty much annihilated by you, so I can't continue on my search for information about my mother, and what else is there for me? Am I just supposed to get on with my life now, push everything into the past and pretend like everything's alright? It isn't though, nothing's alright, nothing is fine.

This is a crossroads right? A point in my life where I'm supposed to pick which route I take, which path I shall travel down for the rest of my life, but I just don't know what I'm to do. I know I've got to be in a pretty bad way when even Nao tries to help, albeit in her own bizarre way. I should probably go and see Mai, but it's kinda hard to face her. It's like, when I'm with her, I think back to that last night before the Carnival ended, of the things we talked about. She won't press me on it, but I know she's wondering the same thing I imagine you were; am I in love with you? But that's a question even I don't know the answer to, and it's not one I want to think about either. You left me behind, you ran away, you don't have the right to continue haunting me like this. I hate what you've done to me, this state you've left me in. I'm caught in-between two different worlds, and only your shadow is in either one, but I can't get by without you at my side.

Furiously, I pull out my cigarettes and quickly light one up, sucking hard on it. Look at what you're doing to me, how low you've sent me. I wish I had a bike, I could do with blasting all of this away with a ride, but I trashed the one Yamada gave me in the fight with you. It's not unfixable, but I guess I just haven't really wanted to do so. Until now at least. Anything to take my mind off you.

Quickly stopping off at the dorm to change clothes and dump my school stuff, I head off to the garage I rented out for storing the wreckage in. As I open it up, I'm astounded by the sight that greets my eyes; the bike is there, sure enough, but in the state I left it. Propped up on its kickstand, it sits there in its former splendour, fully restored. As I move to stand beside it, I see a note sat on the seat, covered in a sheet of dust, as is everything else in here.

_ My dear Natsuki,_

_ By the time you find this, I'll be gone. It hurts so much just to be around you, and I can't take the pain anymore. I don't expect it to stop any time soon, but hopefully some time and space will help ease it a little. I wish I could bring myself to tell you these words face-to-face, but I just know that if I tried, I would only end up saying something completely different, or maybe even changing my mind._

_ I realise that none of this will make it any better, that it will make my sneaking off alright, but I wish you to understand the reasons behind my actions. I can no longer bear to be by your side without taking you and making you mine, body and soul, but I dare not try for I know what would surely be the result. Maybe one day I'll be able to stand by your side once more, able to accept that we will never be joined in the fashion that I wish for, but I fear it will not be any time soon._

_ Consider the repairs to the bike as a small step towards reparations for all the hurt I have caused you. I know it's not nearly enough, but it's all I can do for you now._

_ I love you Natsuki, and I fear I always shall,_

_ Shizuru._

You... you bitch! I lash out with my foot, striking the body of the bike as hard as I can, making it rock, but not enough to tip it over. As usual, you manage to do exactly the most infuriating thing you could have. Yet another display of cowardice from you. I'm tempted to just consign the bike to the garage, but I know how badly I've missed being able to go out on rides when I've needed to blow off steam, which seems to be more often than not lately. My riding suit and helmet are back at the dorm, but I figure I can get away with it just this once. As I bomb down the empty roads, my hair streaming out behind me, I can't help but feel exhilarated. The wind whips at exposed skin, chilling me but I don't care, I feel free, unencumbered by all the crap that's been going on. Leaning into the corners, I let the bike take me where it will, no destination in mind.

Naturally, I end up on that damned cliff edge. It's like this place is a lodestone, always pulling me towards it. Everything always seems to get messed up here and yet I keep on coming back. It's like a destiny I can't escape, my fate already bought and wrapped up in a messy little bundle, but no amount of tugging will unravel it all. Leaving my bike leaning up against the crash barrier, I step over and walk out onto the ledge, staring out over the horizon. I can't help but feel insignificant, like I don't really matter to anything or anyone. Everyone that did care is either dead, or they ran away like you did, and so I'm all alone again. I mean, I shouldn't feel that way, right? There's Mai and Mikoto and even Nao who seem to give a crap about me, so why do I feel so empty? Because you're not here. You were my precious person and you just left me behind.

I head back towards the dorm, but as I stop at a red light, I cast a glance at my watch. Changing my mind, I take a right turn instead of carrying on straight, and a few minutes later I'm at my destination. I sit up on my bike, across the road from the small store she's working in. I guess she lied about her age, since I'm pretty sure she's too young to be working, but I'm not about to say anything. Checking my watch again, it's a few minutes before she gets off shift, so I light up a cigarette as I wait. It's amazing how therapeutic these things are, considering it's basically suicide in a stick. But then, I guess taking risks is my stock in trade, it's what I've always done, so let lung cancer be my next chance.

I flick the butt towards a gutter as I see her emerge. Gunning the engine, I check both ways before doing a u-turn to get to the other side of the road. She looks surprised to see me, and then a grimace of distrust crosses her face, but I guess that's to be expected. It's not like I've treated her particularly well lately.

"I, uh... fancy a lift Nao?" I say after a few moments of hesitation. I figure it's up to me to offer out the olive branch, I mean, I'm the one who's been all grouchy and snarling at her, she's just been reacting to it.

She pauses, uncertain I think, certainly unsure of just why I should have been waiting for her, especially after our little spat last night. Finally, she shrugs her shoulders. "Sure, why not."

"The hospital right?" I ask as she eases herself onto the bike behind me.

"Yes," she says, her mouth inches away from my ear. I almost flinch as slender arms wrap themselves around my waist, but I try to contain it. Memories of you doing the same thing echo through my brain, and I curse silently. I tuck my hair into my top and kick the engine into gear.

We ride in silence, winding our way through the streets of Fuuka, until we pull up in the hospital car park. As she dismounts, I let out a deep breath, before turning to face her. "Would you mind if I came in with you?"

Distrust covers her face, and I'm kind of hurt by that, but I can't blame her. "I mean, if you don't want me to, that's fine, but, y'know..." I finish lamely.

"Why would you want to do that?"

"No one should have to go through this alone."

She stares at me, as if sizing up my intentions before she shrugs again and turns away. I figure that means its okay, so I get off the bike, set the kickstand and then follow her in.

As I walk along behind her, I remember the various visits I've made to this place over the years, all of them bitter. We get off the elevator at the second floor, and I'm only half surprised by the room that Nao enters. Yet another of fate's cruel jokes, I presume, that her mother would be in the same room that my mother died in. A vicious circle that just won't let go of me.

I watch as Nao places a tender kiss on the forehead of the woman in the bed before sitting down. This is a side of her I've never really seen apart from that one time on the rooftops where you slew her child.

"Hi mama, I'm back again. I brought a..." she pauses, turning to look at me with a frown on her face, before turning back. "A friend. I brought a friend this time. Most of the time she's an annoying bitch... sorry mama, I shouldn't say things like that around you, should I? Anyway, she's usually annoying, but I guess she's alright... she's a friend."

I look down at the woman stretched out on the bed. There's an IV live in her right arm leading to a drip, and a line running from her chest to some machine, but otherwise, that's it. She's relatively free of all the pipes and tubes that often come with hospital patients. Her hair is an unsurprising dark black, short curls framing her face. It doesn't look particularly clean, but I guess only so much can be done here. Her face looks peaceful, the lines on her face shallow and softened as she slumbers, unmarked by stress.

I pull up a chair and sit down besides Nao. There isn't really anything for me to say or do, so I sit there in silence, listening to Nao talk about whatever comes to mind. I watch her face as she speaks, and she looks beautiful in a way, like all of her darkness is just lifted away by being here. It makes me jealous I realise, this wrenching in my gut. Even if she's in a coma, Nao still has her mother, while what do I have? A toy dog and a bank account full of money from the proceeds of my sale. That's all that remains of the woman who birthed me.

It's only when I see the tear roll down her cheek that I realise Nao has stopped talking. I'm caught unsure of what to do as she starts to break down, sobs wracking her shoulders. I push away from my chair and pull her to me; at first she starts fighting back, hitting at my chest. "Don't laugh at me! Don't laugh at me!" she screams as I hold her tight. I neither would nor could though, not about this. I wish I could shed tears over my mother, but I no longer can, so I'll shed them for Nao's instead. Finally she stops beating at me and instead wraps her arms around me, nearly crushing my ribs as she squeezes hard, bawling tears from her eyes as I rest my head upon hers.

I'm not sure how long we sat there like that, arms entwined around each other as we cried, but Nao eventually pushes away from me, rubbing at her eyes. She looks up at me suspiciously, looking for even a glimpse of a grin which she could take offence at, but my eyes are just as puffy as hers and she relents. "You cried," she whispers, staring down at her legs.

"First time since my mother died, though I've come close a few times. Never let myself go I guess, too afraid to. Thought once I started I'd never stop, and there's always more and more to cry about."

"But you can't keep it all inside, or it tries to eat you up inside. You have to get rid of it somehow."

"And neither of us exactly picked healthy ways of dealing with it, did we? We both sought revenge on those we blamed for what happened, shutting everything and everyone else out. But that doesn't work, does it?"

"You were right, weren't you? When you saved my life, you said that we were similar. We're both pretty messed up, aren't we?"

"No kidding," I reply with a smile. Pulling my chair back to her side, I sit back down. Reaching out, I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her towards me, her head coming to rest on my shoulder, my head atop hers.

"You're not alone Nao, not anymore. Us idiots need to stick together."


	4. Kill the Night

**Chapter Four - Kill the Night**

We ride back in silence, me hunkering down behind her back as the wind whips around us. I feel completely and utterly fucking humiliated, betrayed by myself, especially now as I cling even harder to her body. I'm just glad the rush of air around us prevents me from speaking, because I know I'd be babbling right now. I can't really explain it, it's like I'm not in control of my body. I don't want to be acting like this, being needy and clingy, upset and fragile. I think back on what I said in your hospital room and I'm furious. That's twice now I've looked weak in front of her, twice she's seen me cry, and there I am being, what, thankful?

I pull away from Kuga's back, leaning back slightly as my hands release her and take hold of the grip bar at the back of the seat. I don't want to touch or be touched by her, I don't want any of this. I was doing fine on my own before any of this HiME crap started and I'll be fine by myself again. If Tokiha wants to keep tabs on Kuga she can do it herself, I'm keeping well away.

Pulling up at the dorms, I quickly hop off the bike, putting distance in-between me and her as I head for the door. I can feel her eyes upon my back as I smoothly open the door. Act calm, cool, distant, don't let her know how shaken up I feel, how weak I am. She doesn't say anything as she follows me inside and up the stairs, nor as we enter our apartment, but she's still watching me. Slipping into the kitchen, I pilfer a beer from the fridge, noting there's yet another pack in there before I head to the bedroom. She's there getting changed, and she pauses, looking up at me, her t-shirt pulled up to her neck, exposing her upper body to me. I can feel the heat rising to my face as it does her, but after a second or two, she shrugs, pulling it off the rest of the way. I turn to the side, tearing my eyes off her as I dig out some clothes of my own to change into. What the hell's up with me? She's supposed to be the prudish, uptight one, not me. I disrobe and redress quickly before stalking out to the balcony, knocking back big gulps of the beer. I don't actually like it that much, but such is the price we pay for looking cool. It's hard being me.

I'm relatively calm by the time Kuga joins me out on the balcony. She fishes out one of her cigarettes, and pauses, looking at me. It takes me a while to realise she's offering me one. Why not I figure, so I nod, maintaining the silence between us, and take the proffered cigarette. I take a pull on it nonchalantly, dispelling the smoke. Now she's bloody grinning at me. "What?"

"You're supposed to inhale it into your lungs Nao."

"Pah, whatever you say," I spit out. I take a second pull, this time taking it down into my lungs. All of ten seconds later I finish coughing whilst Kuga is still laughing at me. I scowl at her until she finally abates, but a large smirk covers her face.

"I shouldn't laugh, I know. I was exactly the same when I started. Stupid habit really. I guess it's just that, well, it's doing something, leaving me no time to get wrapped up in my thoughts. Escapism, that's all it is. Gah, now I'm getting all melancholy."

I don't really know why she's telling me things. I guess it's just I'm here at the moment so I'll do. If it had been Tokiha here, she'd be saying the same things. I take another drag, and barely manage to keep myself from spluttering this time. Can't say I really see the attraction in these things. Besides, I'm underage for this as well. Sometimes even I forget I'm only fifteen, and yet, here I am, smoking and drinking. Hardly the poster child for teenage life, but it's not like I care. Try living my life and see if they can still judge me. How am I supposed to be normal without you, mama? Take a look at Kuga, you could hardly call her normal, and her childhood was as traumatic as mine. We're both broken, but she kept on trying. Me, I just lash out at everyone around, driving them further and further away. In a crazy way, the whole HiME deal might be the best thing that's happened to me in a long while. We're all freaks, we're all scarred, and we're all still hurting. We have a common tie, something that pulls us together. And I don't want to be alone anymore. It hurts too much. I just wish you were with me mama.

It's silent as we're both lost to our own thoughts until Kuga finishes her cigarette. I've not got much interest in finishing mine off, so I follow her lead in flicking it over the side before we both head in. The silence drags on as she sits in the chair and I on the sofa, both reading magazines we've not really got any interest in. Actually, I've no idea where they came from; neither seem like anything she'd be interested in. One picture grabs me, a full-page image of whoever the latest male idol is. "This stuff makes me sick, they're all the same."

"What?" She looks up from whatever inane article she was reading. I hold up mine. "Feh, not my type," she says, grimacing.

"Oh, so you have a type do you? What is it, psychotic lesbians?"

Okay, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Her face hardens, her eyes shifting away from me.

"Guess not," I mutter. "What a shame."

Her eyes shoot back to meet one. She looks shocked, but my grin gives it away. She gives a little smile before turning back to her magazine. I toss mine onto the table and pout a bit. This is so incredibly boring. Seriously though, what the hell is Kuga doing with these magazines? As I look at the ones lying there, they all seem like typical teen girl crap.

"They're Mai's," she says, as if she can read my mind.

"Ah! Now there's an idea, let's go pounce her for food. Besides, you should talk to her. She's been worried about you. Sunk so low she even asked me to help, and that's really scraping the bottom of the barrel."

She stares at me for a long moment, before finally speaking. "You shouldn't talk about yourself that way Nao. Keep saying it often enough and you'll start to believe it, but you're worth more than that. A lot more." She blushes a bit, as if she's unused to saying such things; I guess she is, as I am as well. "Now let's go extort some grub."

We troop over to Tokiha's after Kuga grabs one of the numerous bottles of mayo in the fridge. I slink into the background as she opens the door. For a moment she's stunned in surprise, but she quickly throws her arms around Kuga, who looks pretty embarrassed by the whole thing, but hugs her back after a few seconds. I feel kinda awkward just standing here on the sidelines, but that's alright if it means I can avoid being crushed to death by those two.

"It's good to have you back, Natsuki," Tokiha says as she pushes away from their embrace, her hands resting upon Kuga's shoulders.

"I, uh... it's good to be back Mai."

Neither say anything to me as we go inside, though Tokiha flashes me a quick smile before closing the door behind us. It feels... nice I guess, to have someone thank me, even non-verbally. I'm still no good at this crap though. We talk amiably enough, Tokiha and me cracking jokes at Kuga's expense, most of which the midget doesn't understand, but she's happy as well. It all seems somewhat surreal; even after the Carnival ended, I wasn't really this close to the others, but now it's like I'm somehow fitting in. What's more surprising though is how much I'm enjoying myself. I've always thought of myself as a loner, able to get by on my own, but is this what I was missing out on all along? I feel, I don't know, kind of warm I guess. It's been a long time since I've felt this way, since before... the attack. Thoughts of that drive away any feelings of happiness I had.

"I'm feeling pretty tired," I say, faking a yawn as I rise to my feet. "I'm gonna head back to our room."

"Are you alright?" Tokiha asks, as Kuga stares at me, a weird look in her eyes as if she can see right through me.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I reply, putting a brave face on it. "Just tired from work and the hospital today. A couple extra hours of sleep will do me good."

"Okay, good night Nao."

I'm out of there and back in our bedroom as fast as I can. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. Just thinking about it makes me feel ill, and I will not allow myself to look weak in front of them. I sink onto my bed, curling up tight into a ball. I don't want to remember this; their hands, their fetid breath, their words and the pain. I know that I'm crying as I shake, but I can't stop. I'm reliving every horrible moment and it just won't end.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I stir as I feel something moving against my skin. For a moment I'm horrified, still half caught in my nightmare and I flail out with my arms, trying to get away from my attacker, but arms quickly wrap around me, pulling me into a soft chest.

"It's alright Nao, it's alright," a tender voice says, a hand stroking my hair in a bid to calm me.

"Mama," I pant out, but I know that's not right. It can't be her, she's still in the hospital.

"I'm sorry Nao, I'm not her."

I feel embarrassed, knowing it is Kuga whose arms are holding me, but right now, I just need some kind of contact, anything will do. Slowly I raise my head and meet her eyes with my own. I need something to take the pain away, and then I'm pressing my lips to her, my arms snaking around her head as I let out a soft moan. Hands push me away and suddenly I feel sick as I look at the shocked expression on Kuga's face. What the hell am I doing? I can feel my heart thundering away in my chest, and I know my face is flushed as red, if not redder than hers.

"Oh gods, I... shit! Fuck!"

"I can't be there for you like that Nao," she says, a harsh tone in her voice.

I can't pull back the sneer or the laugh. "Don't flatter yourself Kuga. Anyone would have done in the circumstances." _Liar._

"I'm not a whore for anyone," she snaps back, shifting her weight off the bed. As she turns around, I reach out, grabbing her hand in mine. She whirls back, anger on her face but it crumbles as I start shaking again.

"Don't... please, don't leave me alone. I can't take this on my own anymore." I can hear the wheedling tone in my voice and it sickens me, but I need someone, anyone to be beside me tonight. _Her._

She's torn for a few moments, the conflict evident on her face, but she relents, her hand giving mine a quick squeeze. "My bed or yours?" She must have seen the look on my face, because she quickly hurried that up with "Just for sleeping, nothing more."

"Whichever, I don't care," I mumble, looking away from her as I release her hand.

"Mine then," she says as she turns away, picking up a long, baggy t-shirt off the floor, the one she sleeps in every night. She changes quickly, her back to me and I can't help but stare as she disrobes, my eyes travelling down her bare back to the swell of her hips. I flick my gaze back up as she turns around, a frown on her face, and for a moment I fear I was caught, but she quickly dispels that notion. "You can't sleep in your clothes, you change as well."

I'm up off my bed in a flash, literally throwing my clothes about the room as I grab my sleeping shirt as well. She at least turns her eyes away and I almost feel guilty at that. She pulls back the sheets of her bed and slips in; after a few moments hesitation, I slip in after her, turning so our backs are to each other. I can't get comfortable though, as I lie there awake, listening to Kuga's breathing. At least she doesn't snore. I feel the mattress move as she shifts her weight and almost flinch as an arm comes to rest across my shoulder. I pause, and then turn over as well, my arm slipping around her waist as I mould my body to hers, my head coming to rest on her chest. Soft lips plant a kiss on the top of my head as arms shield me from the outside world. I don't know if she's still awake or not, but I don't care as I snuggle against her, basking in her warmth. Only for tonight. Only tonight.

_Liar._


	5. A Blank Canvas

**A/N:** I don't really like seeing these things at the beginning of chapters, but I think I owe the few readers I have an apology for how awfully late this chapter has been in coming out. I won't bother making excuses, since I've disappointed myself in how long it's taken to finish it, mostly due to my own idleness. I won't guarantee that it'll never happen again - it probably will - but I do fully intend to have another two chapters done and released within the next fortnight.

As I said, I'm not all too keen on these things, but I realise that there's not much avenue for communication to my reader's on other than through these. If you ask for it, I'll try answering questions or responding to reviews in these beginning sections. However, once this fic is finished, I do intend to overwrite each chapter with versions without these intros added ot them. I like my word count to be the words of the actual story, nothing else. Besides, new readers don't want to trawl through all of that to reach the chapter!

That aside, finally we get to the story.

* * *

**Chapter Five - A Blank Canvas**

I can feel skin, not mine, touching me in places I'd rather they weren't. I open my eyes, my head still muggy, and all I can see is red. I blink a few times before realising its hair. Nao's hair. Oh boy. Her head is nuzzling at my breasts, and, yup, she's totally got a hand up my shirt. Of course, I also note that one of mine is palming her buttocks. Yikes. I let go pretty quickly, but now I've no idea where to stick it. I can just make out a serene little smile on her face, and I'm kinda touched by it. I guess not many people get to see this side of her. She's like a little girl all over again. And then I'm sad, since I know sooner or later she'll wake up and it won't be the mother in her dreams holding her safely, but me instead, and I'll get to see her heart breaking just that little bit more. My free hand comes to rest on her head, gently stroking her hair as I smile down at her. At least for a moment her mother can be there.

That all goes right out the window when she shifts a little, her leg coming up between mine. Her body rubs against me in a multitude of places, bringing surges of feelings I'm quite sure I shouldn't be having, and I just know that I'm blushing. If you were here you'd be laughing, that little gleam in your eyes at the facial expressions I'm pulling, like a deer in headlights. I'm definitely in a whole world of trouble.

My eyes drift over to the clock and I curse. "Nao," I whisper, still somewhat hesitant to wake her. "Nao, you need to get up. You're going to be late for work." She shifts again, making me even more uncomfortable as her thigh rubs between my legs, but I struggle to ignore it. "Nao," I say again, this time a little louder, but there's no sign she's really hearing me. Except for another bout of grinding. I think my face may well be comparable with a tomato by now.

This'll be easier if we're not wrapped up in each others arms I decide, so I roll her over onto her back, using my arms to lift my body above hers. My hair spill down around my shoulders and head, enveloping hers as well. I can just make out her features in the sudden gloom, her lips slightly parted as if inviting. I blink. Where did that come from? I pull half of my hair away, letting light into our little cocoon, and her eyes flit open upwards at me. Oh hell.

"Uh, good morning Nao."

A grin wraps her face as she leers up at me, eyes twinkling in remarkable wakefulness. She lifts her head a little and cranes it to look down the small gap between our bodies, before looking back up at me. The grin is even wider. "Oh my, do all the girls you invite to your bed get this treatment, or just me?"

I fight back the urge to snap at her, almost trembling from the effort. She just watches me, her eyes bright as her lips part just a little. There's something in her gaze and I don't really know what it is, and I just know it's going to irritate me all day trying to work it out.

"Trying to maintain your strong and silent image, Kuga, or do we all get so little witty repartee the morning after?"

"I find it's best not encouraging them to come back," I murmur in response. Two can play at this game.

"Ah, leaves you more time to winnow through the rest of the school's female population, eh?" She's enjoying this far too much, but I don't dare let her win, nor just let rip an insult and ruin the entire mood. For Nao, this is fairly nice, and I don't want to shatter the quasi-friendship we seem to have built up.

"Oh, I'm quite sure I don't have nearly enough stamina for all that, but I do try."

"Well, two down, only several hundred still to go."

I leer as I lean a bit further down. "Who says it's only two, Nao?" I purr, her eyes going wide for a moment. Hah! Try that one on for size!

But it seems the fight has gone out of her as she turns her head. Some of her hair flicks out, flying against my lips as she does so, the fragrance filling my nose. I'm amazed to see her blush until I realise she thought I was actually going to kiss her. And then I blush because I realise I might well have if this had continued. It wouldn't have meant anything, but still...

"You can get off me now, you know?" she mutters.

"Oh, uh, right." I say that, but yet I don't move for several long seconds. She turns her head back to look at me, a curious expression on her face.

"It's be easier for me to do that if you'd let go of me," I say. Her face turns a dark shade of crimson as she releases me from her arms from where they held me, low on my back. I half fall out of the bed as I struggle to unwrap myself from her legs, offering what I'm sure is a flattering view of my panties to Nao before I quickly right myself. I snap back to face her and she mouths the word 'pink' at me, which is the colour I turn. Honestly, I don't know where all the blood is being redirected from today.

"Anyway, uh, yeah. You need to get ready for work or you're going to be late."

She just smiles, kicking away the rest of the sheets before arching her back into a big stretch, her hips lifting up off the mattress.

"Black."

"What?" she asks, falling back onto the mattress. She looks down her body to see her t-shirt riding up, displaying her own underwear. "Yeah yeah," she mumbles, swinging her legs off the bed as she rises to her feet. She frowns at me as we're getting dressed, presumably at the fact that I'm pulling on my leathers.

"I'm giving you a lift in to work, you won't make it otherwise."

"No, not that." She straightens up, hands on her hips as she leers at me. "Do you always wear nothing underneath it?"

"Um, yeah."

An eyebrow rises as her grin grows even wider. "Kinky."

For a moment I consider actually explaining why, but I can't be bothered. "Whatever," I respond brusquely, retreating into the kitchen. This is all starting to get to me; why am I acting like this around her? It's like I'm some kind of infatuated schoolgirl. It doesn't matter though, I guess, it'll wear off sooner or later. As the coffee finally finishes brewing or percolating or whatever the hell it is coffee does, I pour two mugs, one with milk and one without. Drinking mine, black of course, I carry Nao's back into the bedroom where she's brushing her hair. She practically chugs it before slamming it down onto the dresser. We have yet another of those awkward silences that always seems to dominate our time together as we make our way outdoors. It's funny really, we're most comfortable together when we're either slinging insults or... well, flirting.

I hand her the spare helmet before pulling my hair up and slipping my own on.

"Eww, this stinks," comes the petulant whine from Nao.

"It does a bit, yeah. I'll give 'em a wash when I get back, but until then," I reach out, slamming down the visor on her helmet, "deal with it."

She grumbles as she slips onto the bike behind me, hands coming to rest on my hips. I feel the same jolt as she touches me that I have every time we've been on this bike together. Thinking about it, apart from you, she's the only person I've ever ridden with. Shaking my head, I kick the bike into gear and tear through the streets of Fuuka, weaving in and out of the few vehicles that are making their own way to work. It's not long before we arrive.

I flick up my visor as she dismounts. "I'll pick you up when you get off, alright?" I say whilst she takes off the helmet. She offers it to me but I shake my head. "Hang onto it. It's not like I can carry it back as I ride."

She shrugs her shoulders, pulling the helmet against her body, wrapping it up in her arms. We stay like that for a few moments, me still straddling the bike whilst she stands there, our gazes unblinking. Finally, her eyes flick downwards before she looks back up at me. "I'll see you at five then," she says.

"Sure." I take this as when I should leave, so I start up the engine again and ride off. No sunsets though, just some traffic. Some arsehole in a van nearly sends me off the road as he cuts me up, but apart from that, not a whole lot happens. Thinking about it, my life has become incredibly boring really. For so long I'd been chasing after the First District and then they were just gone, your hands stained with their blood. What was I supposed to do then? All I had left was school and friends, so I threw myself into that. More the friends thing than school, but who's counting? Then Sakomizu threatens me with the whole staying back deal; not just one year but two! And so I get roped into even more extra classes during the end of year break. Not that I had anything else to do, but still, it's infuriating.

Most people would go home for the school break, but I don't have one anymore. The closest thing I have to family these days are the rest of the HiME's, but we're all broken in our own little ways. Hanging around with them isn't exactly conducive towards my mental health. But if not them, then who? I don't have anyone else left in this world. My mother is dead and, whoever my father was, he obviously didn't care enough to stick around. Pretty much all of the others have someone left to cling to; Mai has Mikoto and Tate, Midori has her sensei, Yukino has Haruka... Then there's me, all on my own. Even Nao has her mother, though it's hardly the most ideal of situations. It's more like she has the idea of her mother to cling to, in the hope that one day she'll wake up and fit that idea's personification. And that's still more than me.

As I pull up in the car park for the dorms, I'm pretty damn well pissed off. Mostly at myself for wallowing in self-pity like that, but also at everything else. Just because. Maybe when school starts up again I'll be alright, I'll have something to do, but it's all this inactivity right now that's driving me stir crazy. It'd certainly explain why I've been acting so weird around Nao. Yeah, that's what it is.

A few hours and one argument with Sakomizu later, I'm sat in the dorm room, doing nothing. Quite literally nothing. I'm just sitting on a chair, staring into space. Is this what my life has been reduced to? The only people that I've talked to during the holiday so far are Nao, Mai, Mikoto and Sakomizu; everyone else I've scrupulously avoided, though it doesn't help that there aren't many people left around to avoid. I need to make more human connections I guess, try and relate to others instead of always just pushing them away, or only conversing superficially. What it all really seems to come down to is I lost both my purpose in life, and you, in fairly quick succession, so what am I supposed to do now? Am I just supposed to become a normal seventeen-year-old girl all of a sudden? I don't know what normal is, my life ended when the car went over the cliff. At least the others had some semblance of normalcy before the Carnival screwed them, for me it was just the icing on the cake. But now it's over, I have nothing left.

The more I think about it though, the brighter it actually seems. It's crazy, but now I'm free. Truly and utterly free. I don't have to chase after ghosts anymore, and I can step out of your shadow. I can do whatever the hell I want. I'm smart, I'm young, I'm motivated. I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to. I just need to find out what exactly it is that I'm going to do with the rest of my life, maybe find some people to spend it with.

I'm free. I can live without anger. I can live without doubt. I can live without paranoia. I can live.

I can love.

...I can love.


	6. Here With Me

**A/N:**

I promised two chapters in a fortnight, I finished writing both of them within three days, I've just been holding them back for a while. The next one will be up in a few days; I've actually been slackign a little bit on writing chapter eight, in favour of another fic that just kinda leapt out at me, but I promise to get back on track.

**m - **_Although, if you can manage to pull it off, a ShizNatNao threesome would be pretty damn cool, too._  
Hahaha. No. Though if there's one thing I've not been absolutely happy with in this story is the fact that I just totally wrote Shizuru out at the beginning; this was originally a Stream of Consciousness Shizuru one-shot, that I wanted to turn into an actual fic, so the start is far from ideal for this story.

**Chapter Six - Here With Me**

Work's pretty boring to be honest. I can't complain really, there aren't many places that'd hire someone my age, but still, it's dull. The reason why I chose to work in a bookstore eludes me for the moment. Sure it's pretty quiet, we don't get hundreds of customers a day, and the few others who work here all seem pleasant enough. Hah. It's all too easy to put up a front, I don't know these people at all. Well, except that they like to gossip. I've heard the whispers about my arrival today, the quick huddles behind my back, the congregation preaching around the high altar known as the coffee machine.

Looking about this place, I'm still pretty surprised at how open it is. Bookshelves line the walls with a corner that has some chairs to sit and read in. I don't get that myself, do we want them to come in, take a book, read it and then put it back? This isn't a library, we sell these books. Though, thinking about it, I guess that's the point. Who wants to go out and buy a book, only to find that once they get home and start reading, it sucks. So, we let them get a little taste of the book. The real problem though is the kids who come in to read Shounen Jump or stuff like that, since they may only want to read one or two of the manga inside. Stupid little otaku.

I feel a presence sidle up besides me, proffering a cup of coffee. The representative has been chosen I see, one Hasegawa Yumi, a woman who is as discreet as she is slim.

"So Yuuki-san," the wide lady stood at my side begins, deliberately not looking at me. "Who's the hunk who dropped you off this morning?"

I believe this is what's referred to as a spit-take. The coffee goes everywhere as it sprays out. I can't help but laugh, more so when I think of how Kuga would take it if I tell her. When I tell her.

I'm caught by surprise when a cloth appears before my face, in the outstretched hand of another staff member. Guess they were watching, waiting for my reaction. I start mopping up the coffee, still chuckling to myself.

"So? So?" comes the insistent urge from my left.

"First, Hasegawa-san, I'd like to remind you that I'm only fifteen. Second, a lady does not kiss and tell. Thirdly, if you can calm your insatiable curiosity, you can see for yourself later since the 'hunk' is coming to pick me up when I finish for the day. Let's leave it at that, shall we?" I grin back. This promises to be amusing, I practically guarantee the entire staff will be hovering around like vultures to get a peek, to see some sort of forbidden intimacy, which will really put Kuga on edge. Not that it takes much to do that anyway, she's worse than I am.

About an hour and a half later, the manager, Nakamura Ken, the only guy who works here, gives me my lunch break. I don't really have a whole lot to do on a break, but it's still a welcome escape really. I get a bit stir crazy stuck inside the store for so long. It's only about a ten minute walk to the bakery I often go to these days. A patisserie they call it, pretentious crap. Who on earth says that? Stupid Germans. I buy this thing they call a Danish; they're pretty good, and then head out to a bench by the fountain in the centre of town. I like sitting here, watching people as they go by; normal people leading normal lives, having normal days. I remember how it used to be, me and you living in that small Tokyo apartment, when things were alright. It still wasn't easy; I saw how hard you worked to support us both, the part-time jobs you did that took up so much of your time. I kept quiet, always doing what I could to help you. I even studied hard so that you could be proud of me, knowing you were doing the right thing. And then I remember the night it all went to hell.

I find my appetite has all but gone, but I finish the Danish anyway, before I start to head back to the store. It's odd though, there's this guy across the street, loitering by the entrance to a ramen store, and I don't like the way he's looking at me. I move at a brisk pace and I'm in the bookstore six minutes later. It's probably nothing really, but still.

The rest of the working day goes by without incident, nothing to say about it at all, which is fairly typical. I sold some books, I put some books on shelves, I made some coffee. Terribly exciting, right? It's about half an hour until we knock off and I've just poured the last batch of coffee for the day, carrying one for myself and one for Hasegawa who's at the central till area, where I join her.

"That's weird," she says, taking a quick sip. "This guy just walked in, looked around and then walked right back out. I think he must have been looking for someone."

I try to act nonchalantly as I set my coffee down, but I can feel myself shaking slightly. I just knew it. It was only a matter of time really until it all caught back up again. Got to love karmic payback. The problem is, I have no idea what to do now. Do I make a run for it and live to, well, be attacked another day. They'll just wait here for me tomorrow and the day after that. It'll put the other staff here in danger, and I can't drag other people into my crap, it's not fair on them.

My decision is made for me a few minutes later when six men come in; I can almost see the anger rolling off of them. Hagesawa makes to move towards them but I grab her arm, giving her a slight shake of the head when she looks at me in surprise. "Go to the back room with the rest of the staff. Now. I'll deal with this."

As she backs away, I step out of the counter area and walk towards them. Stopping about two meters away from them, I sink down onto my knees and press my forehead to the floor in the traditional way, holding my position even as I hear footsteps draw closer to me. I flinch as a fist wraps itself in my hair, dragging me up.

"You think you can just ask for forgiveness and we'll forget what you did to us?" the man says as my eyes meet his, the venom dancing there scaring me. I doubt I'm going to get off with just a beating either, but I can't let that happen again. I grab the hand that's gripping my hair as my other fist comes up, smashing into his elbow from below, before folding my arm up and jabbing the elbow into his solar plexus. As he staggers backwards, I get back up to my feet, only to be met by the back of a hand flying towards my face. It nearly lifts me off my feet as it catches me unawares, and I can taste the blood in my mouth.

"Get the fuck out of here," comes a man's voice, not directed towards anyone I can see. The group parts slightly and I hear a crack as one of them stumbles and falls clutching his face, a figure dressed in leathers and wearing a thick black helmet, now featuring some blood on the front from where it met the thug's nose.

"How about you follow your own suggestion and get out of here whilst you can still walk," Kuga says as she shrugs off the short jacket, throwing it to one side. I've not noticed the muscles in her bare arms before, but they're clearly defined.

"This isn't your fight Kuga," I say, not willing to pull someone else into this.

"They're threatening a friend, of course it's my fight." As she starts to take her helmet off, one of the men lunges at her, but Kuga merely sidesteps, pulling the helmet the rest of the way off before spinning and crashing it into the back of his head.

"Take them both!" roars one of them and chaos ensues.

A fist flies out towards me but I duck underneath it, grabbing it as it passes with my left hand. My right elbow lashes out again, this time finding his gut and then I turn into him, pulling his captured arm over my shoulder and pulling as I flip him over my back. Someone grabs me from behind, pinning my arms behind me, but I stamp down on a foot before flinging my head backwards, colliding with his jaw. As he takes a step back, I pivot on one heel, sending out my other foot in an approximation of a roundhouse kick like I've seen in the movies. It went pretty well as it sends him down to his right though I fail to keep my balance and fall on my backside.

I see Kuga smack one in the chest with an open palm, sending him flying backwards a few feet to the floor before spinning around to intercept a kick with her shin, hopping up to smash out with her other leg to the guy's face, a spray of blood filling the air.

I get to my feet, but an arm snakes around me, hand clasping my mouth as I feel cold metal press up against my neck. Kuga downs another opponent before she turns and sees me.

"I'm leaving and taking this little bitch with me!" comes the shout from just behind me.

"No you aren't," is Kuga's steely reply as she stares at him. Her eyes briefly flicker to me, a soft gaze meeting mine before her face hardens again as she looks back at him. "You're going to let her go, you and your friends are going to leave, and you're never going to appear before either of us ever again, or so help me, I will kill every single one of you."

"You don't get to tell me what to do! I've got the girl!"

"And? You're going to kill her in front of all these witnesses? Do you want to spend the rest of your life in prison? You've got one chance to get out of here alive and that's to just leave her alone."

His hand slips from my mouth as silence fills the store. I seize the opportunity, grabbing the wrist holding the knife and biting it hard. He roars in pain as he flings me away. I fall to the floor, but quickly turn to face him. Kuga's already there, her fist slamming into his gut, her other hand holding the knife-wielding hand. She slams it down onto the counter and he lets go off the blade, before she steps away and spins, pulling him with her before releasing and sending him tumbling away towards the exit.

She stands there defiant in a martial arts pose. "Get out of here whilst you still can."

They scramble to their feet, shooting angry glances at the two of us, but leave nonetheless. When they're gone, I look around the store, at all the faces staring at me and Kuga, at the bloodstains on the carpet, at the horrified expressions on the faces of my co-workers. So many things could have gone wrong there, so many innocents could have been hurt because of my actions, and it would have been my fault. All because I'm a stupid bitch.

Arms wrap around me, pulling me in close and I start to struggle against them before I hear Kuga's voice, whispering into my ear, and then I wrap my own around her waist and bury my head into her chest as I feel the tears come rushing out, my body quivering against hers.

"It's not your fault Nao, don't ever believe that. What you did back then was stupid, yes, but you're not like that anymore. You deserve forgiveness just like everyone else. I know you've had it hard, that you haven't been able to trust people, but you can trust me. If ever you need me, just ask and I'll be there, alright? I..." She hesitates, her hand still gently stroking my back, before continuing. "I care about you, so please, don't shut me out. I'll be here whenever you need me." She places a soft kiss on my head as her grip tightens around me. It makes me think of how my mother used to hold me when I had a nightmare, the two of us curled up in that small bed, her heart beating next to mine. I feel safe, protected, warm. I let out all the pain I've been carrying inside of me for so damn long as I squeeze her harder, sobs racking my body.

I'm not sure how long we stayed like that before I finally break away from her. The rest of the staff are standing around us in a loose semi-circle, just gazing down on the two of us.

"I..." I begin. "I'm sorry. This..."

Kuga grabs my head between her hands and turns me back to face her. "I told you, this is not your fault! You're not to blame for those bastards coming here."

"But... but they wouldn't have come here if it weren't for me."

"Well, why don't you ask your co-workers if they want you to leave then? I think you might be surprised by their answer."

As I look up, Hasegawa lowers herself uncomfortably to her knees and envelops me in a big hug. "Foolish little girl, of course we don't want you to go. You're one of us, don't you realise that? OK, we may not be much good in a fight, but still, we all care about you."

"Of course," comes a man's voice, and I look up to see Nakamura standing there, "this doesn't mean we're going to clean up after your mess. You get to try and get rid of the bloodstains." He smiles, taking the harshness out of his tone.

I don't understand it. Why are these people being so nice to me? They barely know me and I brought all this trouble down upon them, and yet they forgive me so easily? It's like... it's like Kuga and Tokiha both pushing what happened during the Carnival back, and treating me like a friend, despite the terrible things I did. I just don't get it, but still... it makes me feel kinda good. I hug her back, though I don't get quite the same feeling off her that I did from Na... Kuga.

Nonetheless, my heart still aches. All these people are here with me, here for me, but you aren't. Why won't you wake up, mama?


	7. Wit's End

**A/N:** Eek! Didn't think it had been this long since I'd updated the story, being that I wrote this chapter weeks ago. I've been slacking lately, I'll admit, another fic gnawing away at me at the same time, so my concentration has been all over the place.

**Hoppy-Chan:** Yeah, that's my biggest issue with this story actually. Like I said in the A/N for chapter 6, writing Shizuru out at the beginning was plain sloppy really, but it does allow a, shall we say, somewhat dramatic return for Shizuru. And let's face it, she's going to come back, no doubt about it.

I'm actually looking at the reviews as I write this A/N, and I note an earlier one about the summary. Basically, the Circle of Sin was a riddle given to one of the characters in Haibane Renmei, one of my all-time favourite series, and something I'll never blaspheme by writing bad fanfic for! But the basic concept of the riddle and its solution is key to this story. Of course, you don't need to have seen it to read this, but you should watch it anyway, just because I said so!

**KZ:** No idea if you're still reading this, but in reply to your chapter 2 review, the way I figure it, Nao's mother definitely didn't regain consciousness. The clearest evidence for this is actually Takumi; when he was resurrected, he still had his heart defect and then went to the USA for his surgery. If Takumi wasn't healed during his resurrection, it stands to purpose Nao's mother wouldn't either. Of course, a coma isn't the same as an injury or illness in many ways, but to me, I consider it like an sickness of the heart; initially a coma is just the body shutting down to the bare necessities as it tries to heal itself, but Nao's mother has been in one for over at least a year. It's not her body that's holding her back, it's her heart; she doesn't want to wake up, whatever her reasons are. "So wait," I hear you say, "What about Shiho?" Fuck Shiho. Fuck Shiho right up her skinny octopus butt. Seriously though, she gets an exception since she's a HiME and needed for the final confrontation. Yeah, that's it, obviously.

**Krampus:** Hah, yeah. Very Maria-sama ga Miteru in a way, a sort of demented Yellow Rose family. Shizuru as Rosa Foetida (Eriko, the quite clearly bizarre one - though she does seem to have Sei-like qualities too), Natsuki as Rosa Foetida en Bouton (Rei, the surprisingly feminine one at times, easily flustered), and Nao as Rosa Foetida en Bouton Petite Souer (Yoshino, the quick-tempered feisty one). The way I see Nao is someone who's utterly terrified of those closest to her being hurt and kept just out of reach, like her 'mama' who won't wake up for her. Normally she finds it easy to keep everyone away from her heart, but she's always had a thing for Natsuki in a way, and the Carnival has only served to exaggerate what she's been holding back all along. Still, she got by just fine until being forced to share a room with Natsuki, which is where this story takes off; she's in a situation where she can't avoid the one person she knows she must. It basically becomes an internaltug-o-war between heart and head, with hymen having the occasional few words as well I guess.

I think that's about all the comments I feel like making! Still, this chapter, yikes! It may come as quite the surprise I guess, but that's all good. And I'm still not definitely saying this is a Nao/Natsu fic; I have several vague paths this story may go along, and they don't all have nice happy endings, especially not for Nao.

**Chapter Seven - Wit's End**

I'm exhausted by the time we finally leave the bookstore. I never knew bloodstains were so hard to remove from carpet, but still, I don't mind since it merely serves as proof that I was here in time. It scares me to think of what they might have done to her if I hadn't been early coming to pick her up, of how close I came to losing her. When was it I started thinking of her as someone important to me?

I shake my head, it doesn't really matter. Why or when or even how is irrelevant, what's important is the fact that she is. I couldn't give a toss about the rest of it.

She's doing it again. It seems like every time she gets on my bike and we ride back to the dorms, she gets in a mood. She's stalking off ahead of me again, and it irritates me, but I say nothing, only following after her. By the time I reach our apartment, she's already in the bathroom; I can hear the water running so I leave her alone. Hopefully she'll work out whatever it is whilst she's in there, so I don't have to put up with much more of her snotty attitude. Knowing me, if I try to do something about it, it'll all blow right up in my face. I don't do sensitive very well.

After changing out of my leathers, I flick through another of Mai's horrible magazines as I pass the time, curled up on the sofa. Suddenly I feel tired, but I don't seem to have the energy nor the will to get into bed, so I just let myself drift off here. I don't know how long it was I slept, but I wake up with Nao standing over me, just staring down at my face. Seeing me wake up, she just turns and walks away, presumably to get changed since she's wearing just a bathrobe. I pull myself round to sit up, and my feet quickly get damp. Looking down, I see a large wet patch where she had been standing. How long was she stood there? I walk into the kitchen, grabbing a cloth before returning to try and dry the carpet. She comes back whilst I'm midway through, but just walks straight past me into the kitchen. I can hear the fridge opening and the clinking of bottles; quickly she returns and just watches me whilst leaning against a wall, drinking a beer.

"You could have gotten me one whilst you were in there," I comment as I get back to the drying.

"Yeah, I could have," is all she replies with, just watching me with a sneer on her face.

I straighten up, sending a glare at her before I traipse into the kitchen and liberate myself a beer. I stay out there for a few minutes just trying to calm myself down. I don't know what I can say to her that won't result in one or the other of us going ballistic. Then again, that might be just what we need, to get whatever the hell it is that's between us out into the open. I guess I've always been a shoot first, questions later kind of girl.

I march into the main room. "Why do you keep doing this Nao?" I practically bark out.

"Doing what?" she snarls right back. Good start. I calm myself down and soften my tone.

"Act so cold around me whenever you have one of those moments where your shell cracks. Every time you open yourself to me, you slam the door right back in my face moments later." She doesn't reply, and I suddenly understand how everyone else, you included, feels when they're trying to get me to talk. I almost laugh. "Are you that ashamed to have me as a friend Nao?" I ask softly, my hand reaching out and cupping her cheek. I can feel her shaking against it, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, eyes staring downwards as if she fears looking into mine.

"Don't touch me!" she cries finally, slapping my hand away and turning her back to me.

"You are my friend Nao, as I am yours. I will hurt you, I will cause you pain at times, as you will to me, but I will never do it maliciously." My arms wrap themselves around her waist as I pull her trembling body against mine. She goes stiff, unmoving within my grip. "You can let me in Nao. I want to help you."

Her body slackens. "Let go of me Kuga-san," she says, her voice shaky. She never calls me that, never uses honorifics. Certainly not for me. My arms drop loose, falling to my sides as I take half a step back. "Let go of me Kuga-san."

My brow furrows in confusion. "I already did Nao."

"No you haven't, you're still holding onto me. Why can't you let me go? Why do you have to make me feel so much?"

"Nao," I whisper as I place a hand upon her shoulder.

She spins around, smashing me in the face as she lashes out with the back of her hand. I stagger backwards, completely caught off guard. "I hate you!" she screams as I stumble over a chair and fall onto the floor. Suddenly she's sat astride me, seizing my head in her hands.

"I hate you!"

She smashes my head into the floor, pain wracking my skull.

"I hate you!"

My hands fumble at her as she smashes my head into the floor again.

"I hate you!"

I can't seem to think too clearly, the pain making everything seem kind of fuzzy. I just, I just need to...

"I hate you!"

She's going to kill me. I need to stop her, but I don't seem to have any strength in my arms. Again my head is driven into the floor.

"I hate you!"

I can see her tears and I reach out, brushing them away from her face.

"Why?" she asks, though I can barely hear her now. I struggle to concentrate on her voice. "Why do you have to make me feel so much? Why do you have to make me feel for you?"

Her eyes are wide, begging me to answer. "We're friends," I manage to say, my mouth feeling clumsy.

"No we aren't. I'm not your friend, I can't be." Her head sinks down to fall against my chest. "Hah, it's funny. I know just how she must have felt. Why did you have to do this to us?" She moves her body, lying atop me, her face inches above mine. "Why did you have to make us fall in love with you Natsuki?"

I know I must be suffering from concussion when I feel her lips press against mine. This can't really be happening.

* * *

I open my eyes and wish I really hadn't. The light, artificial as it is, is still far too bright as it burns at my eyes. I swallow and suddenly my head explodes in pain. I struggle to sit up, though my body protests strongly against such action. A hand comes to my chest, gently pushing me back down. I follow the arm to see Mai sitting down next to me.

"You gave me quite a scare Natsuki. Nao nearly broke our door down in a panic."

This time I do sit up. "Nao? Where is she?"

"Back in my room. I left her with Mikoto and the others. Now, what on earth happened?"

I hesitate, before making my decision. "Others?" I ask in an effort to derail her. She seems to take the hint.

"Yeah, it's been pretty... lively today. Both Reito-san and Tate showed up. Mikoto ratted me out as I hid, so I got stuck in between the two of them. Not a whole lot of fun, I can tell you."

"I think I'm coming to understand that." I struggle to my feet, swaying a bit as I fight for balance. I still feel a bit fuzzy, but I ignore it. I need to see her. As we head to her place, Mai talks about her problems but I'm not really listening. I just need to see her. To talk to her.

As we enter, I see Nao sat at the table. She doesn't notice me, but I don't think she's really noticing anything as she stares down at the floor. Everyone else in the room is looking at me, uncertain of what's going to happen next. I move besides her, resting a hand on her shoulder. She looks up at me, fear in her eyes and she flinches as she sees it's me.

"Come on Nao, it's time to go home."

Slowly she rises to her feet and I take her hand in mine, leading her away in silence. Her fingers are gripping mine tightly as she follows mutely behind. Back in our apartment, she still seems distant, numb. Not Nao. Her childlike grip on my hand is released as she sits down on the sofa, as far away from me as she can. I move to stand in front of her, but she turns her head away, gazing down at the hands folded in her lap.

"Nao, look at me."

Her head rises jerkily, and our eyes meet. She seems almost dead.

I slap her. Hard. Fire fills her eyes as she shoots up to her feet.

"That's for kissing me. Again." The fire is nearly quelled, but some still resides. "And this is for trying to kill me."

As I raise my hand, she flinches, but instead I wrap my arms around her. "You stupid, stupid girl," I whisper softly. Her forehead comes to rest on my shoulder as her arms slip around my waist.

"Why do you keep being so nice to me?" she mumbles.

"Because I'm your friend. Because it's my job to be there for you. Because I want to be there for you. In case you haven't worked it out by now, I kind of like you. I care about you."

She pushes away from me, a weary look upon her face, like she's had about all she can take of this. Of me. "You know, I used to think of you as my hero. The person I wanted to be like. When I transferred to this school, there you were. You'd lost both your mother and father, but you were still standing tall, never backing down. You were beautiful. You were proud. You were strong, while I was weak. I couldn't take all the hurt, so I dished it out instead, taking my revenge. But it wasn't really vengeance, I was just trying to run away from the guilt, so I wouldn't have to face the fact that it was all my fault. I used and manipulated people as I did the truth, all as a means to escape. But it doesn't stop, the guilt doesn't go away. I took on more and more for every sin I committed. Yet you keep being so nice to me, and that's just another form of cruelness Natsuki."

As she says my given name, I remember what else it was that she'd said to me. And I understand what she means by my kindness being cruel. Just like you, she doesn't want or need kindness. She craves forgiveness, even though she can't forgive herself. But it's not my place to forgive Nao, is it? I'm in search of my own salvation. I drove you away by not being able to love you the way you wanted, but not rejecting your love either. I left you hanging with my kindness, hurting you more and more as each day went by.

"I forgive you for what you've done to me Nao, I mean that. It's not much, but it's all I can offer you. But that's not all we have to talk about, is it? There's what you said to me before."

"That I love you."

"Do you? Do you really love me, or are you just confusing friendship for something more?" I can see the fire rekindle in her eyes, and it tells me the last thing I want to hear. "I'm sorry," I breathe. "I don't think I know what love is. Nobody showed me what it was, not really. My father, I can't even remember his face. My mother, I want to believe in her, I really do, but there's doubt in my heart. What good would have come from her selling me to the Searrs Foundation? And then she died, leaving me alone. Shizuru, she only told me that she loved me after I found out what she'd been doing. How she'd taken advantage of my trust, how she'd taken advantage of my sleeping body to steal kisses and comfort from me. Shizuru, who killed hundreds of people in my name. And now you, who only told me that you love me after you'd beaten me senseless, you who have tried to torture, maim and kill me multiple times. This is all the love I've known in my life.

"What I did to Shizuru was terrible. I didn't reject her, but I never accepted her either, and I lost her because of that. You're my friend Nao, and I care about you. But I don't know what love is. I don't know how to love you the way you want me to, and yet, I don't want to lose you too. A part of me is tempted to just try and love you, but what if it doesn't work out? Stringing you on like that would only hurt you even more than just rejecting you right now. I just... fuck! Every way I look at this, I can't come out of it as the good guy. I'm going to hurt you one way or another and I'd like to cause as little as possible."

"Wait, so let me get this straight. You're not saying you'll never love, just that you don't understand it? You don't know how to?" She rises to her feet, staring me down.

"Um, well... yes."

"So, you're scared to try it in case you fall flat on your face?" She takes a step towards me, and I can feel my heartbeat rise.

"That's kind of... well, true I guess."

She takes another step, now stood right in front of me. "But you have not once said that you aren't attracted to me in the slightest now, have you Natsuki?"

I blush. I don't know if it's the insinuation or her using my given name, but my face feels inflamed. "I... well, uh... um..."

"Hush," she whispers as she presses a finger to my lips, her face drawing closer to mine. I want to draw away from her but I can't seem to will my body to move. Gently she traces the finger around my lips. Her hand drifts around my face to the back of my neck, pulling me in towards her, her mouth only an inch or so away from mine. I can smell her breath; it's sweet and... oh god, what is she doing to me? "Know this Natsuki," she drawls, "nobody really knows what love is, but we all can learn. And I'll tell you one more thing. I will make you mine."

I blink as she steps backwards. "Oh well, good night. I'll see you in the morning!" And with that she walks into the bedroom.

I slump down to the floor, my wits lost. Just what the hell was that?


	8. The Beast Unleashed

**A/N:** This took me longer to get out than I'm happy with, really. I got myself into a rut with this story, and decided to randomly write some Fujin fic instead. It seems to have done the trick since I sat down today and just said "Sod it, I WILL finish this chapter today!"

**Hoppy-Chan:** I admit, I really wasn't much of a fan of Utena. The comedy eps were awesome, but the serious ones were pretty much all terrible. The only characters in the series I liked were Utena, Juri and Wakaba. Everyone else just irritated me. That's mostly why I started writing a UtenaxJuri fic, though it's on hold until I get at least one of the three fics I'm concentrating on finished.

**doesntmatter:** Shizuru is a problem, definitely. It's hard for me to know how to write her I guess; I have fixed ideas on Nao and Natsuki's personalities, but Shizuru is an uncertainty to me. Honestly though, that's mostly down to me just not thinking it through enough. If it coems to writing her again, I intend to understand just who '**MY**' Shizuru is. That's an important point I think, these are my interpretations of the characters; I'm sure there are people out there who think this is horrifically OOC, whilst I don't. Oh well :P

**Krampus:** Hee hee hee. I'm building up a very good idea of where I want this to go, and well... oh I'm not gonna give anything away. Hee hee hee!

Y'know, for someone who doesn't like Author's Notes, I'm getting awful good at writing them. xD

**Chapter Eight - The Beast Unleashed**

In those short moments where I'm caught between dreaming and wakefulness, I often carry over a feeling of being held by mama. I live for these moments, but they always fade too soon. Make that usually; they usually fade too soon. Both yesterday and this morning, it seems to have lingered for a while, and I have a suspicion as to why. I open my eyes and find I'm in your bed again. For a moment I consider just slipping out, so you don't get the wrong idea, since I really don't remember climbing in, but I can feel your body against mine, your arms holding me close in a warm embrace, and I just know that I really don't want to, consequences be damned.

And what the hell, maybe I can get a grope or two out of it.

"Don't even think about it," comes the steely voice as my hand hovers over a breast. "Whilst you're sleeping is one thing, but I know you're awake Nao. Try it and you get to sleep on the balcony tonight."

"Bah, fine," I answer, instead resting it just above a hip.

Long moments of silence fill the air, before you finally speak up. "Y'know, I did kind of mean the whole using me as a pillow thing as well, not just the groping."

I sit up, an arm either side of you for support. "Then why didn't you wake me when you found me like this?"

You hesitate before replying. "You looked... happy. I've not seen you like that too often lately. Well, ever really."

"I'd be a lot happier if you'd let me kiss you," I whisper, fingers from my right hand tracing along your jaw.

I watch the blush spread across your face, and I just want you more. Squeal for me Natsuki, squeal.

I lower my head slowly until I'm mere millimetres away, my eyes staring right into yours. And then I take your chin and turn your head slightly to the side, softly brushing my lips upon your cheek. "And a good morning to you too," I murmur into your ear before rolling out of the bed. A few quick stretches, some clothes thrown on, and I'm out of the apartment and on my way over to Mai's. I catch myself actually whistling to myself and I start to laugh. This is all so utterly crazy; in twenty-four hours I've gone from victim, through psycho, right to seductress. Or should that be tease? Well, I'm no stranger to either I guess, though this is the first time that I've actually wanted to follow through on my intimations.

A few seconds after knocking, a surly looking Mai slings open the door, an eyebrow twitching as she stares unseeing at me for a few moments, before cognisance finally kicks in and she realises it's just me.

"Honestly, it's an attractive way to be welcomed, but show some dignity would you?" I say, offering a leer before I step into her body, pulling the shirt together and quickly buttoning it. "Good thing you're not my type Tokiha, you're practically begging for someone to come along and eat you right up," I grin at her bright red face as I step past her and into the apartment.

I head into the small kitchenette and start making some coffee. "Go. Sit," I bark at Mai as she follows me in to start preparing breakfast. A few minutes later I return, bearing three steaming cups. She takes the one offered before first looking at the one I set down upon the table and then back up at me, a slightly confused smile on her face.

"I needed that," she sighs, having taken a large sip of the coffee, slumping back into her chair.

"Definitely," I grin over the top of my cup. "You're normally up and about when I arrive for feeding, and certainly clothed. Rough night?"

"No kidding. I was having a bad enough day before you tried to kick my door in."

"Yeah, I seem to remember Kanzaki and Tate were both here, weren't they? All you needed was the octopus brat to show up and you'd have the full set!"

Her eyes shift to the left and I can't help but laugh. "She did, didn't she? Oh I bet that was fun."

She shakes her head, offering me a wry grin. "Honestly, I'm thinking about swearing off men altogether."

"Speaking of which," I say, "could I borrow some lipstick? I left mine back at our apartment."

"Uhm, sure, go ahead," she replies, confusion etched in her brow.

I pop into her bathroom and quickly look through the various ones she has sat here, before settling on a soft pink one, honey-flavoured. I grin to myself as I finish applying it. I return to the main room and grab the third cup of coffee, carefully rotating it before taking a small sip from it, setting it back down upon the table, rotating it once again. Moments after I sit back where I had been, there's a knock at the door. Tokiha gets up to answer it, and I can hear voices from the doorway. I take effort to keep the Cheshire-sized grin off my face as I watch you enter, the tight smile you give me as our eyes meet making me want to laugh out loud.

You sit in a spare chair, the one with the third cup in front of as I had thought. Your body language is blatant; you're sitting straight up with your legs pressed firmly together, hands resting upon your thighs. Shut off, closed tight, sealed away. Perfectly under control. What a joke.

Tokiha says something, possibly about the coffee, since you look down at it and reach for it. As you start to bring it up to your lips, you look at me, and my own control goes to hell as I let loose the grin. Quickly looking away, your brow furrows as you drink from the cup, moving it slightly away from your mouth, looking down at the lipstick on the rim and then back up at me, at the smile I'm giving you, at my lips, knowing that it's their taste on your mouth.

Predictably, you blush and look away, trying to rotate the cup surreptitiously before taking another sip.

It's an hour later that we leave, and I'm busy mourning the stains down the front of my t-shirt. Who knew breakfast could be so hard, and most definitely messy, to eat seductively. Especially when half of this crap was sprayed across the room by you.

"This is all your fault of course Natsuki, you realise that?" I whine.

"And how do you figure that out?" you ask, a smile on your face.

"If you didn't play hard to get, I wouldn't have to do such ridiculous things of course. Definitely your fault."

"Seriously, did you have to do all of that right in front of Mai?"

I stop walking and turn to look right at her. "Did I make you too uncomfortable in there?"

"It's not that, it's just..."

"No, I guess you're right in a way. It's just between the two of us, for now at least. What goes on between us is our business and ours alone."

"I didn't mean that. Well, I guess I did, but did you have to do it at all?"

"Come," I say, taking her hand in mine as I lead her back to our apartment. Heh, 'our'. Not for long though, only a week or so until the new semester begins and we all get shuffled about again.

"Sit, please," I say, gesturing to one of the chairs.

I wait until you do so, your nervousness clear, before pulling up a chair opposite from you. I just sit there and stare at you for a bit, formulating what it is that I actually want to say. I can't help but be heavy-handed when it comes to this I guess, but I don't want to scare you off either.

"I'm not very good with words, so I'll try and get to the point. I make you uncomfortable putting all this pressure on you right? It's not fair on you, I know that, but it's hard for me not to just go all out about this. I want to touch you. I want to hold you. I want to make love to you. I want to make you scream out my name as I make you come." I can see that sexy little blush of yours spreading at that last bit, but you don't avert your gaze from mine.

"The thing is, what do I know about starting a relationship? All I know is leading men on by their dicks and then ripping them off." I pause, pulling a funny face at my wording as I see you blanche as well. "Financially I mean. Not literally. Ugh.

"Anyway, if you really want me to stop all this blatant flirting, I can't blame you. It's just I don't really know any other way to show you how I feel. But I can try. You make me want to try, to be a better person. To be someone who deserves you."

"I'm not that good of a person Nao, really. I have no idea what it is about me that you seem to love so much."

"What's not to love? I'll admit, you make it hard at first, keeping everyone pushed well away from you, but when we get in, when we get to know the real you, there's so much good about you. You're kind, like when you took me to visit my mama, even coming in with me. You're brave, like when you took on those guys at the store, even though they outnumbered us. You're focused and determined, you go out and get what you want. And hell, I'll admit it, the whole bad girl biker chick thing does it for me too.

I get up from my seat and move towards you; you shrink back a little but quickly relax again. I kneel down before you, taking both of your hands in mine. "I can't go halfway on this, I need you to realise that. I know I'm being full-on here, but you've seen what me fighting against my feelings is like. I've been struggling with this for a long while I think, and it's only been exacerbated by me staying with you. It's hard to escape when the two people you're most afraid of are you and the person you live with."

"You were scared of me?"

"Yeah, scared of how you could hurt me. How you can hurt me. Mama's the only person that's ever loved me the way I loved her, and look at how much she hurts me now. It's not her fault, there's nothing she can do about it, but she still hurts me. Imagine what you can do to me.

"I know what you said last night, about how you don't want to string me along, but I'm not sure I even care about that. It's like, I have this desperate hunger inside of me and I need to feed or I'm just going to curl up and die. But you can save me."

I pause, mulling over what I've just said. "I'm overcomplicating it, aren't I? OK, putting it simply, I love you. I want you. I need you. And more importantly, I need you to love me too. I'm not Fujino, I don't want to force you into anything. Stolen kisses and caresses are worthless, I want them freely given to me. Of course, that's not going to happen until you're good and ready, but I'm not really the patient sort. I can't go slow on this, I just can't. But I can't make you need me like I do you. I can stop the flirting, if that's what you really want. I can try and stop being so forceful in all of this, and I can try to wait, but I can't make any promises."

I lean forward and take your lips with mine, pressing hard against you before I break away, a wry grin on my face. "Sorry, I needed that one. Too much talking. I'm gonna head out for a while, give you some time to think things through. As much as I may want to, I can't rush you on this. You need to be clear in your head on where you're at and what you want from us."

I'm in the bedroom, changing my top, throwing on a jacket and out of the apartment in what seems like a flash. I just have to get the hell out of here. Keep on moving, keep walking, look right ahead, don't think about it. But I can't stop trembling, can't stop the shaking. I feel absolutely raw, every nerve exposed and bleeding, spiders crawling underneath my skin. I want to throw up, I can feel the roiling in my gut, and I recognise it for what it is. I'm absolutely fucking terrified. I haven't felt like this since the rooftop with Fujino and you, when I knew I was going to die, when I knew exactly what my life up until then had really been worth, at the absolute nothing that I'd done with it. All of it pointless, everything without worth.

I don't know where I am, but I don't much care. I cling to the wall until my legs can no longer support me and I drop to my knees. I realise I'm crying, the sobs tearing at my throat as I gasp for breath between the convulsions that are rocking my body. I'm scared, so fucking scared and I can't get away from it. I can't do anything, I don't have any control over it, I'm just a complete and utter fucking mess.

I don't even think to stop myself as the screams rip themselves from my throat.


	9. Scared of Girls

**A/N:** What actually happens in this chapter might come as quite a surprise I guess, especially after how the last chapter ended. But that's half the fun, mwahahahaa. I know where I'm going (roughly) and you don't!

**littleleaf89:** My opinion of Natsuki is generally that she can get herself out of her own problems well enough, she just needs a kick the arse every now and then to help it along. And Nao stuck her boot in. Admittedly, I'm not the greatest writer around, so it's possible I did overplay the whole turnaround bit. I'll probably go back and fix it when I finish this story since I intend to re-upload every chapter to wipe these Author's Notes!

**Hoppy-Chan:** The Juri/Utena is consigned to the hard drive until I get this finished. It's bad enough I'm writing THREE fics already; this, my Genshiken fic, and an as of yet unpublished Final Fantasy 8 Fujin fic (Damn you Chendzeea Li! I really needed yet ANOTHER fic idea nagging at me!). The list in my profile is the stories as far as I've got them on my hard drive; for instance, I actually finshed writing this chapter on the 21st, but didn't post it until today :P

**Krampus:** By good idea, I mean a good twist. Not that it's good for teh characters, mwahahaa. I was having cackling fits writing the end of the last chapter, sending Nao through the wringer. In all honesty, I'm a total sadist towards my characters. What I have planned for the FF8 fic is possibly even nastier! :D

Well, enough of that, now for some story!

* * *

**Chapter Nine - Scared of Girls**

This... this is so messed up. What on earth am I supposed to do now, just sit here and contemplate the mysteries of a relationship with Nao? Roll up, roll up, ladies and gentlemen, gaze yonder at a woman's mind as it commits seppuku. She's completely put me on the spot though; I don't have any choice in the matter, do I?

So, alright, let's start from scratch then.

A relationship. Do I want one? What is a relationship? I mean, I guess I've seen couples before, but it's not like I understand what it is that really makes them, well, a couple. Holding hands? Cuddling? Kissing? Fucking?

I can't think of anyone I've ever held hands with in my life. Well, my mother, maybe, but that doesn't count, right? I certainly do not cuddle. The only person I've ever kissed was... Shizuru. And that wasn't a real kiss, was it? I just, well, even now I don't really know what I was thinking when I did it. I guess I just wanted to show her that I understood, that I accepted her feelings for what they were. And I definitely haven't done the last one on the list. I'll admit a certain passing curiosity towards the act itself. I mean, well, everyone knows about it, you hear people talking about it all the time, and I guess with the right person, I'd want to. Just I've never had time for it. And now it's all I have. Time, a future, endless possibilities. I guess I would like a relationship with someone.

What about Nao then? Why a relationship with another girl, let alone her specifically? I mean, everyone knows it's a guy and girl thing, right? But then, Shizuru always had those girls who'd swoon around her and stupid crap like that. And of course, well, she's like that, isn't she? I mean, she was in love with me. Was? Still is? She left, she ran away, and I watched her go. I chased her off.

I'm getting off track here. Relationship with girls. Well, it's not like I can't look at a girl and say she's attractive, the same goes for a guy I guess. Though I can't really think of any guys I'd say are especially attractive. Kanzaki isn't too bad I guess, though I couldn't say the same about Tate and those stupid sideburns of his. Girls on the other hand, well, Mai is attractive. Midori is attractive. Shizuru is attractive. Nao... well yes, I am attracted to her. I remember catching myself watching her undress, and all the times she made me blush. Hell, I nearly kissed her once. So I can't say that I'm not interested in girls, right?

But then there's Nao herself. Sure, she may do it for me physically, I can admit that, but what about the rest of her? Half a year ago, I'd have laughed in your face at the very idea, especially after all of the Carnival stuff. But she has changed. As far as I'm aware, she's not doing the whole jailbait thing anymore; she certainly hasn't been going out at night whilst she's been staying here. And she even got a job. It's like she's actually starting to believe in herself again. I think of how she cried that day on the rooftop, and when we were by her mother in the hospital, it's hard to reconcile with the things she did. Nonetheless, I truly believe that she's a good person deep inside. She's just scarred, but then, so am I. She's really trying to build herself back up again, to heal her wounds, and I respect that, I honestly do. But she still strikes me as fragile. She's still as acerbic as ever, and she's unbalanced. The lumps on the back of my head will testify to that.

Do I love her? That's the obvious question, isn't it? And I do know the answer to that. I don't. I do not love Yuuki Nao. But does that mean I can never fall in love with her? There are times when I really like being around her, and I do enjoy the flirting. I'm not very good at it, but I can learn, right? I can learn to flirt, and I can learn to love her. And yet, is it right to start a relationship like that? I mean, she's bared herself to me, she loves me, and I can't return it. Yet. What if I did try and it just didn't work out. I don't want to hurt her, I know that. I'm not sure when I became so protective of her, but I know I couldn't bear it if I was the cause of more pain to her. But can this end up with anything but pain?

Arg, this is frustrating. I'm not really getting anywhere with this. And it's not like I can really ask anyone else about this. Mai's the only person around who I could hold a reasonable conversation with, but I couldn't talk to her about this. It wouldn't be right, telling her all about Nao's personal feelings.

I'm tempted to just go out and blast it all away on the bike, but I should be here when Nao gets back. It wouldn't do to have her think I've run away from this. From her. And I can't just sit here and think, I'll drive myself crazy. I need to find something to do, anything to keep my mind from wandering. I can't bring myself to read any more of Mai's insipid magazines, but there's not really a whole lot else I can do in this apartment. I spend the next two hours or so tidying here and there, but it doesn't really help. Neither does the fact that she's still not back yet. This is really starting to get to me. What if something's happened to her? Part of me wants to run outside and search for her, but that irritating logical part says that she's probably visiting her mother at the hospital again, and that if I do go out, I'll probably miss her completely.

I dig out a book on motorcycle maintenance and burrow myself into it. Most of it goes straight over my head since I can't bring myself to pay full attention to it. I keep looking at the clock as the sense of dread grows stronger and stronger.

Finally I hear a key in the door, and the dark mood that had been haunting me suddenly lifts. It's funny, I should be nervous or something, since I still haven't come to a decision, but I'm just glad to know that she's alright, that she's back safe and sound.

She looks anything but when she finally comes in. Her eyes are puffy and red; it's clear that she's been crying, and her clothes are looking ragged and covered in dirt. Quickly I put the book down and I'm by her side. "What happened?" I ask, a note of hysteria in my voice. "Did you get attacked again?"

She looks up at me as if she's only just noticed I'm there. She blinks a few times, before finally responding. "Oh, you mean my clothes. No, nothing like that. I just... fell over, that's all."

She's lying. I know it, and she knows it too, but she doesn't seem to really care. Her voice sounds flat, uninterested, and I wonder what on earth happened to the Nao who breezed on out of here a few hours ago. She tramps past me and into the bedroom; I follow after her, determined to find out what the hell's going on.

She's unbuttoning her shirt as I walk in, and she turns to face me, fury marring her features. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she yells, her hands falling to her sides clenched tightly into fists.

"Trying to find out what's wrong with you, for one. Make up your mind already, one moment you're professing your undying love to me and the next you can't even bear to look at me!"

She stops in place, completely rigid except for the rise and fall of her chest. Slowly she relaxes, a nasty looking grin sliding into place. "You actually believed that shit? God you're a complete idiot Kuga. I was just gonna fuck you and then dump you! Why the hell else would anyone waste their time with a whiny sack of crap like you? Even that psycho bitch was only after your body, and when she couldn't have that, she just walked away from you, just like everyone else."

For a moment, I want to smash her head in, and then I realise that's exactly what she wants. And now I know exactly what I have to do. "You're not fooling me Nao. Not for a second. You're just trying to push me away because you're absolutely terrified, aren't you?"

"Sh- shut up! Shut the fucking hell up!" Now she's shaking like a lead. "You don't know a goddamn thing abo--"

She's cut off as I shut her up instead. A few seconds later I break away from her, the taste of her lingering on my lips. She stares at me, unblinking.

"You're supposed to close your eyes you know. Even I know that!" I smile.

I almost don't react fast enough to catch her as she sinks downwards, but I wrap her up in my arms as we go down to our knees.

"I... you... what?"

I do it again, just to prove she wasn't imagining it, and it lasts longer this time.

"Wait," she says, pushing away from me. "What's going on here?"

I hesitate for a moment, before I speak again. "I want you to hear me out, please. Like I did for you earlier." She nods, a worried look crossing her face, but she keeps silent so I continue. "I... I don't love you Nao, I need you to understand that. But I want to try. At first I thought it was too dangerous to risk the potential fallout if all of this didn't work out. But I was sat here waiting for you to return, and it was like this enormous pressure squeezing my heart as it got later and later and you still hadn't come back. I didn't know if something had happened to you or not, and I knew I couldn't live with myself if I hadn't been there to protect you. I can't just abandon you Nao. And when you did finally come through that door, I just knew I couldn't not try."

"What, all of this was just because you feel like you have to watch out over me? Thanks but no thanks!" She makes to rise to her feet, but my arms around her waist hold her tight, refusing to let her move.

"Hear me out, I said Nao. Yes, I do want to protect you. But it's not like some kind of big sister thing. Big sisters shouldn't like kissing their little sisters quite so much, don't you think?" I just know my ears are bright red, along with the rest of me. "I am most definitely attracted to you, I know that for certain. Just kissing you makes me feel... it's like, electricity running through my entire body.

"It's not that I've never felt attracted to anyone before I guess, it's just, I always pushed those kinds of feelings away since I was too busy going after the First District. After they were gone though, there was still Shizuru and I, and even though I knew how she felt about me, I just kept running away from the issue until I drove her off. You are far too special to me to lose you over something so stupid."

"But you don't love me."

"Honestly, I thought about lying to you about that, saying that I did love you. In some weird kind of way, I thought I might make the lie become the truth and everything would work out fine, you'd never have to know. But I don't want to lie to you, not ever. Yes I may never come to love you, and that would be a bad thing. But I can't not take that risk. I may know next to nothing about love, but I do know that a risk is exactly what it is, the biggest risk of all. I've thrown myself into all sorts of situations that could harm my body without fear. Why not one that could harm my heart? It could end horribly between us, I realise that, but I also realise that I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try.

"The question is, are you willing to try and hope with me?"

She stares at me long and hard, and I can almost hear her brain whirring along behind her green eyes. Finally, she comes to a decision and a smile unlike any I've ever seen her show spreads across her face, genuinely happy. "Shut up and kiss me already, Natsuki."

And so I do.

* * *

**A/N Continued:** Decided to stick this bit at the end so you didn't get advance warning that this arc was ending. Might have spoiled the ending!

Anyway, there'll be a slight time jump (not much, but enough to be significant) to the beginning of the second arc. And I might try to do an omake before that about what Mai's been getting up to, but I do struggle to write her, so it may never materialise!


	10. Woman in a Suitcase

**A/N:** Frankly, all I have are excuses as to why this is over a month late, instead of reasons. Hopefully though, now I've finally finished that stupid party scene, I can pick the pace back up for this!

**Kimiko Li:** Me? Hurt Nao? As if I'd do a thing like that... Heh. Heh. Heh.

**doesntmatter:** It's a very small time jump, I promise! It's just that there really isn't much of anything to write about during the small period of time I skipped, though you may not think so immediately.

**m:** I could explain just how the story and summary relate to Nao, Shizuru AND Natsuki, but then I'd be spoiling it, wouldn't I:P

**Hoppy-Chan:** At the moment, this second arc looks like it might be the final one, since I'm still stumped in how to actually get to the third arc I have roughed out in my head. If I suss that out though, then this may become a hell of a lot longer story.

Actually, you should be glad that I took so long to update! Neither me or Tremalkinger have updated in a while, so you've managed to be blissfully ignorant of this pairing. Shame about Entropy Empathy having fun of a different sort with Nao and Shizuru...

**Krampus:** In all honesty, Nao's much more my puppet for wringing than Natsuki, though they're both so fun to twist and squeeze. As for Shizuru, well, we'll see. And the FF8 fic is now actually being updated here on FF.n, so go check it out. Fujin is so awesome.

**xSojix:** Uhm, whoops on the updating soon part

**shanejayell:** It's not that I don't like Shizuru, I think we all fangirled (or boyed) over her a hell of a lot, I just like Nao even more. As a story though, it can't not have Shizuru show up, since it offers so many possibilities for story developments. It'd just be poor writing (poorer even than my writing her out in the first place) if I didn't.

Ah, whilst I remember, I recently signed myself up to a whole bunch of those messenger thingies, so maybe give me a buzz?:**  
AIM:** Serendipity Sama  
**MSN:** merlose(at)hotmail(dot)co(dot)uk  
**Y!M:** serendipitysama

* * *

**Chapter Ten - Woman in a Suitcase**

"Bloody hell, what did you put into these things? Bricks?" I huff as I carry a large bag over one shoulder, trailing a suitcase behind me. How on earth did I get myself suckered into this? Oh, that's right, I'm supposed to be the nice, considerate girl now. Great.

"It's just clothes and books and stuff Nao," Aoi says, looking over her shoulder at me. "Nothing all that heavy, really."

"My arms are going to be half a foot longer by the time we're done, I know it!"

"All the better for snuggling with!" she says, before clapping a hand to her mouth. It's too late though, I know exactly what she meant.

"So just who have you been snuggling with then Aoi?" My grin is one of my most lecherous, as I seize upon her slip-up.

"None of your business," she says, blushing the whole while. "Come on, just this last set of stairs and we're there."

"Fine," I mutter, accepting the change of subject. I can just corner her about it later.

It's almost the end of the holidays now, only a few more days until the new school year starts, and the students are crawling back to Fuuka Academy. It's been... nearly a week since that night with you. I can feel a blush of my own spreading as I smile to myself, shaking my head. With a grunt of effort, I lift the suitcase and stagger up the stairs to the same floor her old room was on, where all the sophomores live. Lucky sods, they get their own rooms; I'll have to share with some junior brat, which does not promise to be fun. Still, a lackey in the apartment might not be so bad, my own personal slave! No, bad Nao! I'm a good girl now, no bullying the little kids.

Dumping the bag by the door Aoi is unlocking, I lean against the wall. Typical that she carried just a backpack, while I got all the heavy stuff. "You can go to hell if you think I'm going to help you unpack all of this, you know, Aoi?"

"That's quite alright Nao, you've been more than helpful enough already," she smiles. A tune starts to play and Aoi reaches into a pocket, retrieving a mobile phone. As she looks down at the display, I see her smile widen and the tinges of a blush appear. "Hi Chie," she says into the phone, quickly casting a look at me before going inside the apartment. Totally busted. I just knew it!

I quietly tap Aoi on the shoulder. "I'll be going then," I say quietly, "leave you to talk to your snugglebunny." With a wink and a skip in my step, I go downstairs. Pretty much the whole HiME gang is back at Fuuka now, and Mai's holding some sort of party tonight. I've never been one to turn down a free feeding, so I guess I'll go and mooch. And of course, you'll be there...

I go to unlock the door to my apartment, the one I used to share with Aoi, but find the door is off the latch. Quietly I slip inside, slowly taking my shoes off and placing them in the corner. Soft footsteps lead me to the bedroom, where I can hear someone singing quietly. I lean on the doorframe, watching the young girl, long black braids almost reaching her hips, carefully taking clothes out of a large suitcase sat upon one of the beds, refolding them and putting them away into a chest of drawers nearby.

_"Yondeiru Mune no Dokoka Okude  
Itsumo Kokoro Odoru Yume wo Mitai_

_"Kanashimi was Kazoekirenai kedo  
Sono Mukou de Kitto Anata ni Aeru_

_"Kurikaesu Ayamachi no Sonotabi Hito wa  
Taga Aoi Soea no Aosa wo Shiru  
Hateshinaku Michi wa Tsuzuite Mieru keredo  
Kono Ryoute wa Hikari wo Dakeru_

_"Sayonara no Toki no Shizukana Mune  
Zero ni Naru Karada ga Mimi wo Sumaseru_

_"Ikiteiru Fushigi Sinde Iku Fusigi  
Hana mo Kaze mo Machi mo Minna Onaji_

_"Yondeiru Mune no Dokoka Oku de  
Itsumo Nando demo Yume wo Egakou_

_"Kanashimi no Kazu wo Iitsukusu yori  
Onaji Kuchibiru de Sotto Utaou_

_"Tojiteiku Omoise no Sono Naka ni Itsumo  
Wasure takunai Sasayaki wo Kiku  
Konagona ni Kudakareta Kagami no Ue nimo   
Atarashii Keshiki ga Utsusareru_

_"Hajimari no Asa no Shizuka na Mado  
Zero ni Naru Karada Mitasarete Yuke_

_"Umi no Kanata miwa Mou Sadasanai  
Kagayaku Mono wa Itsumo Koko ni  
Watashi no Naka ni Mitsukerareta Kara"_

-- Itsumo Nando Demo by Kimura Yumi,  
lyrics by Kaku Wakako,   
from the Spirited Away soundtrack

"In the choir are you?" I ask as she finishes singing the song. She lets out a shriek and turns around, dropping the clothes she had been folding. I fail miserably at holding back a laugh at the expression on her face. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I'm Yuuki Nao."

"Yes, I recognise you, Sister. I'm Mizunashi Kana."

"...Sister? Uh, that didn't really stick you know. Just filling in while Sister Yukariko was on maternity leave. Not that it actually stopped her from interfering all the time."

"Oh... so you're not a nun?"

Now I really can't hold back the laughter. Finally gaining some semblance of self-control back, I note the look on her face. "Sorry, really, I'm not laughing at you. It's just the idea of me as a nun is, well, ridiculous. No one who actually knows me would even be able to conceive of such a thing. Let's just leave it at the fact that I am very un-nunlike."

"Uhm, well, I do admit you don't look much like how I'd expect a nun to, Yuuki-sempai."

I do like the sound of that. 'Nao-sempai, you're so wonderful!' It has a certain ring to it, don't you think?

"Well, anyway, are you all sorted out and everything?"

"Yes, I've got all my things here now, I just need to finish unpacking and then I'll be done."

"Alright, I'm going to take a quick shower and head to work. I'll see you later."

"Um, OK."

I open up the chest of drawers near my bed and pull a change of clothes out before entering the bathroom. It's only about a quarter of an hour before I emerge, feeling a lot cleaner than I had been. Lugging heavy suitcases and bags up the stairs had left me all sweaty and gross.

I grab my keys, wallet and mobile, before an idea hits me. Quickly writing my number down on a piece of paper, I head into the bedroom where Mizunashi is still packing things away. "Here's my mobile number if you need to get hold of me for something, alright?" I say as I hand it to her. "Gotta run or I'll be late."

As I open the door to leave, I'm gripped by a silly impulse. "Ittekimasu!" I call.

"Itterasshai," I hear Mizunashi reply.

I haven't had the opportunity to say that in years, and the feeling I'm left with as I go is a somewhat bittersweet one. Riding the bus into town, I battle melancholy. It's stupid to get so choked up over such a simple little thing, but I guess that's me through and through. Stupid. Too quick to anger or upset, I realise I'm still fragile, however much I've grown over the last year. But I'm discovering things about myself I never knew, finding out just who the real me is. Not the Nao who cowered in bed every night, dreading the dreams that were sure to come, not the Nao who craved vengeance on those who weren't responsible whatsoever, nor the Nao who refused to let anyone in close to her in fear of losing them. I'm still terrified, however much I'm loath to admit it, of losing what little connection I still have with my mother, or with you. I'm scared of how much you could hurt me if it doesn't work out, and I worry about how I might react, but I can't bear to even think of that. Right here, right now, I love you, and that's what matters.

Lost in my thoughts, I nearly miss my stop, only dragged out of them by someone sitting down next to me. I scurry off the bus and walk the last stretch to the bookstore. I only just make it in time, but that's fine by me, just so long as I'm on time. Since the school year is starting up again soon, my hours are getting cut back to just Sundays, and evenings on a few days during the week. Ironically, since I stopped my late night forays, I find myself coming up short on money a lot more often. It's tempting to roll over the losers I can see on the street, but I know I won't. It's not so much that I'm above that, though in a way I guess I am, but it's more that you'd be disappointed in me if I went back to doing that. Plus, without Julia or my claws, it's a lot more dangerous for me. And you'd certainly never catch me doing compensated dating. The thought of it just disgusts me. So here I am, working at the bookstore. Sure beats working at the school church though, as much fun as I had trying to lead Sister Yukariko's flock astray.

Work passes by slowly, though Yumi-san is amusing to talk to as always. When I first started working here, I couldn't stand her, but I guess she's grown on me as time has passed. I think it's that she mostly went on about her life and that of her husband and children; in other words, normal, everyday things, whereas I wasn't a normal, everyday person. I lived off in my own little demented world, but I've slowly been emerging, and now I can see things her way, understand why the trivial things she goes on about are important in their own silly way.

It's only about an hour until the store closes when my mobile rings. I duck into the cosy staff room and hit the answer button. "Moshimoshi," comes the voice, but I can't place it. "Um, is this Yuuki-sempai?"

"Ah, yeah it is. What do you need Mizunashi?"

"I was getting kind of hungry and thinking about cooking. Should I wait for you or just cook for myself?"

"I'll be fine, don't worry about me. Actually, don't cook at all. A... friend of mine is having a small welcome back party tonight with plenty of food, so you should come. If that's alright with you, that is."

"That'd be great. Thank you Yuuki-sempai!"

"Please, call me Nao already. I'll probably try and get off work a little early today since I'm getting picked up, so I'll be back in an hour and a half or so."

"I'll see you then... Nao-sempai."

This 'sempai' stuff isn't all too hard now, is it? I quickly enter her number into my massively trimmed down address book on the mobile, before snapping it closed. Pouring two cups of coffee, I head back to the counter, handing Yumi-san one.

"So who was it? Your boyfriend?" she asks, grinning away at me. Even though she knows it was you who picked me up back then, she's still insistent that I must have a young man tucked away somewhere. I'm sure it should be amusing, but I kinda find it somewhat upsetting. I wonder what she'd say if I told her the truth?

"No, just my new roommate at school. It's kinda weird being someone's sempai. I mean, she even calls me that. I never have, not even for Aoi who was my roommate last year."

"Well, if you ever start feeling all nostalgic, you can call me sempai and be my kouhai."

"Longing for your school days now, are we?"

"Well, I certainly wouldn't mind my figure back. I used to be quite slim back then, had plenty of boys fussing over me. It's the giving birth you see, the struggle to get back to how you were before. By the time I popped out my third one, I'd had enough of all the dieting."

"No fear of that happening to me. Can't really see myself being a mother some day."

"You might say that now, but you're so young, you've got so much still ahead of you. Who knows where life will lead you. Ten, twenty years from now, you might well be thinking differently."

"I guess you're right, though I'm still pretty doubtful. Actually, I was hoping to get off work a little early today. We're having a little party tonight for everyone who's come back to school, and I wanted to go visit mama before we went."

"Sure, I'll cover for you with Ken-san. When are you going?"

"As soon as Natsuki gets here, I guess. She usually turns up anyway."

"She's a good friend to you, isn't she?"

"The best," I agree, absolutely meaning it.

It's only twenty minutes before I hear the familiar roar of the bike's engine, simmering down to a purr before cutting out altogether. Grabbing my things, as well as the helmet I left here yesterday, I give Yumi-san a wave and go outside to where you're waiting.

"Skipping out early?"

"Yeah, I thought I'd go see mama before the party. It feels kinda weird to be welcoming everyone back while she's stuck in that hospital bed."

"Say no more, I'll have you there in a flash." You give me a small smile and I'd kiss you if we weren't right outside of the store. We stick on our helmets and I slip onto the bike behind you, before you kick the motor into gear. We've only travelled a few streets though, when I tap you on the shoulder, gesturing to pull over. You comply though I'm sure you're puzzled as to why. As we come to a stop, I take off my helmet and you follow suit, swinging a leg over the bike so you can face me.

"What is it?" you ask, confusion mixed with worry on your face.

"You forgot something, Natsuki." It takes a few seconds before you realise what I mean, and you roll your eyes playfully.

"Fine, if you insist," you say, though your tone and grin put the lie to your words. We press together, mouths hungry yet tender for each other.

"That's better," I breathe as we break apart.

"We probably shouldn't be doing this on the street, you know," you whisper.

"Maybe, but what the hell. I wanted to kiss you back at the store, but I guess I'm worried about being seen too. It's just, well, I love you." I watch you wince slightly at those last words, and it stings, but I know you can't help it. "Sorry, I know I shouldn't say that." I play with some strands of blue hair that dangle around your eyes. "I'm not trying to guilt trip you into loving me. You'll say it when you're ready. And I mean that, you will come to love me, I'm sure of it. It'll just take a little time. You won't be able to help it."

"We'll see," she replies, tapping my nose. "Anyway, hospital."

The rest of the trip is short enough. The lights are on in my mother's room, the sun outside steadily looping downwards behind the horizon. It's always strange to look at her; it's like there have been two mothers in my life. One, vibrant, happy and caring; the other immobile, impassive and unreachable. The mother in my heart always seemed to be doing something, her long red hair always hanging down in her face, before being flicked away, tucked behind an ear as she so often did. Now her hair is cropped short, no fear of it ever serving as in irritant to her. What's left is dull and lifeless, just like the rest of her.

You sit beside me, holding my left hand, as my right grips one of mama's hands. "It's been a few days since I've come to see you mama. I'm sorry about that, its just life has been... different lately, and I'm still trying to change along with it. Sure, things could be better, but there's so much good in my life now. At times, it all feels so wrong, to be this happy when you're stuck here, but I know you wouldn't want me to let what happened to you drag me down, like it did for so long. This last year though, everything's been turned on its head, and now I suddenly have friends, people who care for me, and I care for in return. I'm not alone anymore mama, but that doesn't stop it from hurting. I just wish you were here with me."

There isn't really much else for me to say, so we leave. Maybe I'll come back tomorrow, just me and mama, and I'll talk to her about everything that's been happening lately. It still feels kind of weird talking to her with you around, though I've no intention of ever telling you that.

I cling closely to you as we ride back to the dormitories, enjoying the warmth radiating from your back, mingling with that of the engine beneath us. I love stolen moments like this, where I can unashamedly hold you tight against me, no fear of being spotted and judged because of it. I guess we're both still insecure about that, though you'd have thought I'd be beyond caring these days, but that seems to be another of those little changes I've been going through during the last few months. Maybe it's because I have something to lose now, my life isn't about just me anymore.

You go back to your apartment to change, so I head to mine. Mizunashi's in the bathroom, so I go into the bedroom. I'm pretty tired, so I lay my head down for just a moment. Not gonna sleep, just rest my eyes...

* * *

"I could stand being woken up like this more often," I whisper, opening my eyes. You're sat on the bed besides me, fingertips lightly running along my temple and cheek. You snatch your hand away, blushing as you turn to stare out through the bedroom door. Note to self: next time she's doing that, pretend you're still asleep. It's cute that you're so embarrassed at being caught, though still a little frustrating. Though, Mizunashi is probably just in the other room, so maybe it's for the best you stopped. "It's time to go?" I ask, sitting up on the bed. 

"Yeah, pretty much."

As you get up off the bed, I arch my back, stretching out the kinks, before rolling off the bed. "Alright then, let's go scavenge tonight's dinner!" Mizunashi looks up from the magazine she's reading as we enter the main room, and quickly gets to her feet. "I assume you two have already met?" I ask.

"Yes, we talked a bit before Kuga-sempai went to check on you."

"Sempai?" you say, surprised at the honorific.

"I know, isn't she adorable? I don't think anyone's ever called me that before."

"Ah! Should I not call you that?" Mizunashi cries.

"No, no, by all means, please. I rather like it," I say, smiling beatifically.

"Just don't let it go to your head, Nao," I hear you murmur, so I send a mock scowl your way.

Mizunashi seems pretty nervous as we arrive at the door to Mai's new apartment, though I can't blame her really. I think Octopus-head will be there, and she's in the same year as Mizunashi, so she'll have at least one person her age to talk to. And it's not like I'm that much older than her, either.

You knock on the door, three short, sharp raps, before crossing your arms across your chest. Scuffling noises come from behind the door before it finally springs open, a somewhat frazzled Mai standing in the doorway.

"Are you alright?" you ask.

"What? Oh, yeah, sure, sure. Come on in." She waves us in, closing the door behind us as we comply. She does seem a little spaced out, but I guess that's just down to all the moving and stuff today. Setting up for this party today can't have helped, but I figure she'll be fine. Following her into the main room, I see there's already a few people here. Mikoto and Octopus-head are sat on the two chairs the furthest apart, deliberately not looking at each other; I wonder what the story to that is. On one of the two sofas in here - I assume one of them was brought in from someone else's room - is Aoi and Harada, looking fairly snug tucked in close together. Tate is sat beside Harada on the end closest to Octopus-head, looking somewhat perturbed by her attitude. As one, they all seem to turn and stare at us.

"Uh, I guess introductions are in order," I say. "Everyone, this is Mizunashi Kana, my new roommate." A veritable chorus of greetings arises. One by one I introduce her to all those already here, being as thoroughly witty as usual.

"Funny the three of you coming together, Nao," Harada says.

"Not that weird really," you reply. "We're... friends, after all."

"Well, I guess it makes sense, after being stuck together all through the holidays. That or you'd have been trying to kill each other," comments Aoi.

"There was a fair bit of that too, but we... sorted things out," I answer this time.

"Sounds like the two of you had a lot of fun over the holidays."

"That's one way of putting it," you laugh, before sitting down on the sofa opposite them. Mizunashi and I squeeze past, taking up the rest of the space on the couch.

We talk amongst ourselves for a while, before Tokiha starts carrying stuff in. Tate gets up to help her; it seems he'll seize pretty much any chance to get a few moments alone with her, especially since his rival has disappeared. For now... I don't like that train of thought at all, it hits far too close to home. Once she's finally finished carrying all the food in, Tokiha slumps down into a chair next to Mikoto.

"What's up with those two?" you ask Tokiha, leaning in close.

"Mikoto and Shiho? Oh, it's priceless. Guess who's rooming together this year?"

"You're kidding me, seriously? That sounds like a match made in hell."

"Yeah, I'm not sure which one I feel more sorry for."

"Why, that was almost mean, Tokiha," I comment. "Good to see you're learning!"

We talk about all sorts of things through the night, what everyone was doing during the holidays, gossip about relationships and all those sort of things. Your back is to mine as you talk to Tokiha, and I converse with Mizunashi. I feel your fingers skim across mine. I don't look. I don't want to draw attention to it as I interlace my fingers with yours. I just want that connection with you that I don't seem to have with anyone else.

I hear that familiar clicking sound and my blood runs cold. I can sense you stiffen behind me, and as one, we both turn our heads to stare at the opposite sofa. Harada has a grin on her face, that one she gets when she's just received some juicy gossip; both her and Aoi are looking at the mobile phone Harada is brandishing, the one she just used to snap a candid picture of me and you holding hands. You snatch yours away from mine and I can hardly blame you for it, despite the stabbing pain in my heart. We shoot glares at the grinning twosome, yours fixed upon Harada, but mine is straight at Aoi. She blushes under my gaze before reaching out to close the phone, whispering quietly into Harada's ear. She turns to face Aoi, eyebrow raised, before turning back to look at me. I don't think I could hide this grin, even if I wanted to. It promises imminent nastiness if things don't go my way, and I just know it's going to be how I want it. I turn back to Mizunashi and start talking, knowing my work is done.

I'm not sure when it is that everyone leaves the party, but I'm sure it's late. As the three of us walk back to my apartment, the rest of the halls are quiet. As we get back, Mizunashi heads straight for the bathroom, so I drag you into the kitchen, backing you up against the cooker as I claim your lips. After a few seconds, you break away, a wry smile on your face.

"We can't, not here. Don't want your new roommate catching us."

"Good thing you've got your own place then, isn't it?" I grin back. "No interruptions there."

"So, what happened in there?" you ask, changing the subject. "The photo thing I mean. Normally Chie would be running about showing everyone."

"It's all a matter of reciprocity really. They squeal on us, I squeal on them."

"Wait, you mean..." you trail off.

"Yup. Totally. Pretty sure what they said they did during the holidays was a complete and utter fabrication too."

"So we're not the only ones like this?"

I'm not sure I like that question, but I know a part of me feels exactly the same way; relieved that we aren't the only freaks. "It's not really all that surprising, especially those two," I say, deflecting what you really meant.

"Well, I guess not..."

Mizunashi walks into the kitchen, giving us both a small smile as she gets a glass out of cupboard.

"It's pretty late, I should be going," you say. "It was nice meeting you Kana-san. If this idiot here gets too much for you to handle, give me a call, alright?"

"I will, Kuga-sempai."

"And you," she turns to me, "don't give her too hard a time."

"Me? As if I'd do such a thing?" I reply, feigning mock hurt, as I put an arm around Mizunashi's shoulders. "She's so mean to me, isn't she?"

"Um, if you say so, Nao-sempai."

And like that, you're gone, leaving me here with Mizunashi. I hit the bathroom, brushing my teeth and whatnot, before I head into the bedroom. Mizunashi's already in her bed, so I change quickly before slipping into my own.

This isn't too bad really, is it? I can do this. It's just, well, it's all been good, and I guess I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Good things don't happen to me. It's only a matter of time.


	11. Live and Let Cry

**A/N:** Whilst hardly seven weeks like the last one, this was still longer than I'm really happy for inbetween releases. However, the next chapter promises to actually be quite short, so it shouldn't be as long 'til then

**littleleaf89:** Nao never cared before because, well, she never cared before. Now she has a reason to, she's somewhat more shy than when she was on the hunt.

Of course you're allowed to still be a Shiznat-fan, it's not like I'm proclaiming NatNao as the one true faith. Though now I mention it...

**b14ck-r053:** I answer this nearly every update now. Yes, Shizuru will appear in the story somewhere in the future, but I'm not telling you when xD

**Hoppy-Chan:** Yeah, and since then, Shades of Gray has finished and its sequel has had four chapters appear already!

In the red corner, the Kamikaze from Kyoto, Fujino Shizuru! In the blue corner, the Spider Queen, Yuuki Nao! Cage match! Only one comes out alive! xD

**808tenshi:** I should hope so too. It's nice to see that non-Shiznat fics get some love here too

**youneverknow:** Yeah, that's kinda my fault. I notice I've gotten more reviews since I put the Nao x Natsuki disclaimer in the summary. Suggests my "arty" summary is actually crap xD

**xSojix:** Only "one of"? ;;

**Icarium:** Like I said to youneverknow, I didn't exactly advertise the fic too well with the summary, so lots of potential readers seem to have either missed it, or been put off by the horrific first chapter

It wouldn't be Nao if she was all nice and cuddly and adorable with everyone. She has difficulties enough being like that around the one she loves, let alone people who piss her off.

**TwinBladeWarrior:** I really do intend to write this until its logical conclusion. The only question really is whether I get to write my über-evil ending or not. If I don't, I'm sure I can use it in another fic. Still, if I don't work in a third arc, I can't see more than, say, another ten chapters being written? I'm making no guarantees on the length though :P

**Tremalkinger:** Now you've done this, I have to go and do it for BOTH of your fics. Bah :P

I don't normally write in the first-person, preferring third-person, but it worked for the one-shot this spawned from, and when I finally came up with an idea to make it a full fic, the first-person lingered from there. At some point I decided to use it as an actual story-telling mechanism, rather than just the method for story-telling, and I quite like it. The problem is now I can't remember how to write third-person half of the time xD

I'm far from against stable relationship dynamics, but that only really works when you have stable people. And Nao really isn't all that stable. Her only anchors are her mother, and her hatred. After she loses her mother, but then gets her back, she loses most of her anger in the process, but also realises just how impermanent her mother's presence is, actually making it harder on her. But at least she still has Shizuru around to hate. Until graduation, where everything gets turned on its head. Her nemesis leaves and she's made to room with Natsuki, whom she's utterly confused about her feelings towards. Thoughout the first arc, she's fighting over her feelings, whilst Natsuki is coming to terms with her own emancipation of sorts, and in the end, they try it out together. The second arc picks up just a short while after, where the fledgling relationship runs the risk of being exposed, something neither of them are sure that they want, considering how unorthodox a relationship it is. Basically, the few anchors there are in the story are all somewhat soluble, meaning everything can go into freefall at any given time, so long as pressure is applied in just the right way.

I touched on it briefly, but the new school year actually promises to really highlight my weaknesses in my writing. The first arc had a heavily limited cast of characters, there were only so many that could actually turn up, and I had them written down in a nice little TXT file with descriptions and stuff. The second arc has easily tripled the potential cast list, and in theory, there may well be another 1,500 characters! Of course, I'm not going to write anywhere near that number, but the issues comes in how badly I blank all the non-vital cast out. I'm actually trying to deliberately force at least small parts for other characters (like a cameo in this chapter, or in the party in chapter ten). And of course, that list includes the much dreaded OC's, though I already had two show up in the first arc, with another introduced in the second already, and a potential fourth in this one. Mizunashi Kana actually poses a problem, in that I have no idea what I'm actually doing with her, but she's nonetheless an essential character in the story. Eeek! Best work that one out somewhat sharpish!

My god, I think this is the longest A/N yet. Best get on with the story! xD

* * *

**Chapter Eleven - Live and Let Cry**

I struggle into the uniform, managing to stick my elbow into the sleeve of the blazer before the rest of my arm, nearly popping a few stitches in the process of correcting it. It's weird, I don't think I've ever been this eager to get to school. I mean, I've spent most of the last three years skipping classes during my vendetta against the First District. Then, when they were gone, I still avoided the place a lot. I meant what I said to Mai back then, about trying to enjoy school, but there was just one problem.

Me.

Or rather, my complete and utter reluctance to actually deal with Shizuru's feelings for me. If she wasn't there in front of me, I could ignore the subject, but then I'd start feeling bad about avoiding her. After all, she was my most precious person.

There, that's the cause of it all. 'She was,' not 'she is.' Now that I'm seriously thinking about this, it's actually somewhat curious how fast you managed to worm your way into my heart. At first I thought you were a brat. Then I thought you were actually really similar to me. Then I started getting to really know you, and saw how far apart we really were, the differences in how we struggled through our tragedies. Or rather, how we were helped through them. I had Shizuru, Sakomizu and Yamada, whilst you were all alone. I inherited money from my mother, enabling me to get by on my own, but you were thrown into an orphanage, out of sight, out of mind. I had a clear and defined purpose for carrying on, whilst you had to invent yours, twisted from all the impotent rage and fury you carried inside of you.

Circumstance, that's all that separated me from you. Now though? We're both stranded, divorced from all of those reassuring insecurities we clung to. We don't have any excuses left to keep running away from everything. And so I'm actually looking forward to getting to school. Not for the actual classes and stuff, just that I can spend time with you here.

God this is stupid, but I can't keep this ridiculous smile off my face. Am I just going to turn into some giant walking cliché over this? I pause for a moment, at the door, before shrugging. I can imagine worse fates.

It's not all that long of a walk from the dorms to the school building, so I get there in just a few minutes, and suddenly I'm dawdling, taking my time and being hesitant about going inside. I try leaning against a wall coolly, but after a few seconds I'm all twitchy and pacing to and fro in front of the entranceway. It's like I can't keep still, all this energy just bubbling away inside of me in the form of this burning desire.

It's a few minutes before you turn up, by which time I'm practically going insane here, though I try to put a lid on it, maintaining a calm face. You smile as you see me, and then saunter on past, not even saying a word. I almost flip out, but as I watch you walk away from me, I find myself mesmerised by the swishing of your hips. You make to enter the toilets, but as you open the door, you look my way and give me that grin of yours, before stepping in and closing the door behind you. It's all I can do to keep from running after you, as I struggle to maintain a calm pace. I swear, you've got me wrapped right round your little finger.

As I enter, there's no sign of you, until a hand extends from one of the stalls, the one furthest from the door, finger curling as it beckons me to come closer. The door is pulled to, the hand emerging from the crack between it and the jamb, and when I'm close enough, it darts out to grab a handful of my shirt, pulling me into the quickly opening cubicle. I stagger, off-balance, and tumble into the stall, smacking my forehead against something, hard. Throwing out my arms to either side, stabilising myself against the cubicle walls, you're sat on the toilet seat, clutching your head where I just butted you.

"Ow!" I yell, making quite a show of rubbing my forehead.

"Whoops?" you say, looking up at me with a smile. "Wasn't quite as smooth as I'd intended. Now, where was I? Oh yes..." You stand back up and with one arm reach behind me, pushing the door closed behind us, your other arm pressing gently on my stomach, easing me backwards as I feel my heart rate pick up. I don't turn to look when I hear the lock click into place, not even when I press up against the door, my eyes never leaving yours. I can see it, how badly you want me, how desperately you crave my touch, how hungry you are for me. And I feel guilty. Do I really love you? I know I enjoy being with you, I enjoy the feeling of your touch, I just don't know if it's enough. And then I'm not thinking at all as your mouth meets my own. I'm beyond caring as I mash your hair between my fists, as I feel your lips on my neck, as I smell your familiar scent. Your hands slip underneath my shirt, fingertips running across the skin of my back, sending shivers up my spine as I let out a moan.

I freeze, realising just what it is that we're doing. I take hold of your shoulders, pushing you away from me. "We can't do this," I whisper. The look on your face, I just... "I mean, not here." I rest my forehead against yours, my fingers running through your hair.

"We could go back to yours..." you say, a hopeful look in your eyes.

"Skipping on the first day of the year? As if I don't already have a bad enough reputation!" I laugh softly. "No, we need to get to classes. We're 'good students' now, remember?"

"Even you don't believe that, I hardly imagine anyone else will," you grouse, though I can see the glimmer of a smile on your face.

"Who cares what they think, it's what we know. That's all that matters, right?"

"Which is why we're hiding in the toilets to make out, since we're so big on the whole not caring thing."

I pull away from her, moving to lean against the stall's door. "Do you... I mean, I don't know... It's stupid, isn't it? The two of us, normally not giving a crap about anyone else's opinions of us, and now we're cowering and running away. I don't..." I hate this so much. "Why am I so scared?" I whisper, staring down at my feet, unwilling to show you this fear that grips me so.

"I'm no better," you mutter in that way of yours. A hand slips upwards to lift to my chin, making me look right at you. "I'm... just as scared. I mean, what would Yumi-san say? Or Tokiha? It's just... I don't want you to be my dirty little secret. I love you, and it hurts to be like this. But I'm just as scared as you."

"How are we supposed to know when the time's right to, well, tell everyone?"

"I have no idea. What am I, Buddha?" You grin at that bad joke of yours, and I know I can't keep a smile from my face. "We'll just do it when we're ready, I guess." The hand cupping my chin moves further upwards to tuck some hair behind my ear. You lean in close, your breath tickling my ear as you whisper, "Speaking of ready..." Your other hand slips around to press my hips into yours, before trailing down to palm one of my buttocks.

"O-oi!" I gasp, though I don't move to stop you.

"We really should be getting to homeroom." You pull me from the door, unlock and open it, grab your bag and then you're gone, all in the space of a few seconds, not a word spoken, leaving me standing there just staring after you. I don't know whether to laugh or curse, but the former eventually wins out.

I'm in a pretty good mood when I turn up for homeroom class, only just making it in time. I grab the first open seat I find, not too concerned about position. I shift a little in the seat, trying to get comfortable before I notice how silent the room has gotten. Turning around, I notice everyone is staring at me. "What?" I bark at them and they quickly pretend to pay attention to something else. I've no idea what's up with them, but I don't much care.

Sakomizu walks in through the door, and starts off the homeroom period. I get a nice spot by the window in the seating organisation, though I don't pay much attention during the rest of the period; I've no interest in who ends up as class president for the year, though it'll probably be Fukuzawa again, just like the last two years.

I'm staring out of the window when I notice the reflection of at least two different people staring at me. I turn and face them, but they quickly look away. What on earth is going on here? As annoying as it is, I don't much really care, so I ignore it during the morning lessons.

I can't find you at all during lunch, which is weird. I even checked the scene of our earlier rendezvous, but to no avail. Feeling somewhat grumpy (grumpier, I'm sure you'd say), I head out to the gazebo out by the floral gardens with the melon bread I got from the cafeteria. As I get close, I realise I'm not the only one out there, spying Yukino sat on the steps, eating from a bento.

"Oi," I say as a somewhat brusque greeting as she looks up at me. For half a second, she has a strange expression on her face, before giving me a tight smile. "Hello, Natsuki-san."

"You mind if I sit here?" I ask, sitting down anyway.

"Noticed you didn't come to the party a few days ago," I say

"Ah, I had plans with Haruka that night, so I couldn't make it."

"Huh, I always wondered about the two of you," I say, somewhat distracted by thoughts of what the hell has been going on today. The only response I get is the sound of Yukino choking, snapping me back to attention, as I watch her face go all red. "Oi, you alright?"

"Sorry, you just... caught me off guard with that," she replies after managing to swallow down the offending morsel.

For a few seconds, neither of us speak, the silence between us pretty awkward. "So... what's dating Haruka like then?" I ask, struggling for something to talk about with Yukino.

This time it's Calpis she sprays over one of the stone columns.

"We're not dating!" Yukino half-screams at me.

"Wait, you aren't? Even after all the Carnival and graduation stuff?"

"No, we... I..." she trails off.

"You just chickened out on it, didn't you?" I ask, not trying to conceal my contempt.

"Like you did any better!" she snaps back at me, and I'm quite impressed. I've never really had much to do with the current student council president, but she's always come across as rather meek. Apart from that awful confrontation during the Carnival, I've never seen her stand up for anything, let alone herself. It doesn't stop it from hurting though.

"I... sorry," she says, staring down at her half-finished bento.

"You're right of course." Her head snaps back up to look at me. "I chickened out of accepting Shizuru's feelings for me, and now she's gone, never coming back. There'll never be another chance with her. But it's not too late for you, is it? Haruka's going to the university in town right? Tell her before she's gone from your life, before your chance is gone. Love doesn't just land in your lap, you have to go out and win it."

Neither of us speaks for the rest of lunch, as we both think about what I said. I don't know if I could have ever loved Shizuru the way she wanted me to, but does that mean I shouldn't have tried? She gave me so much, always being there for me, and I just pushed her away. I won't do the same thing to you, I don't dare.

The bell rings out, announcing the start of afternoon classes, so Yukino and I go our separate ways. I head up to the top floor for the afternoon homeroom session. As I reach for the door to slide it open, I hear voices from inside. I don't now why, but I stop and listen.

"It's pretty hot, ain't it?" one voice says.

Another voice chimes in, "It's a waste, that's what it is. Two hotties like that."

"We shouldn't be talking about this," a third voice says, this time female, possibly Fukuzawa.

"Why not? It's not our fault she couldn't be a bit more discreet," says the first voice.

"We don't even know if it's true or not! It's just hurtful gossip," the third voice replies.

"Then you go and ask her about it then!" the first voice says, a derisive tone in his voice.

"Hah, I wouldn't wish that on anyone, she's harsh," the second voice laughs.

I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach as I yank the door open. Everyone stops talking and turns to look at me.

"What is it?" I snarl.

They all look somewhat sheepish, before Fukuzawa steps up to me. "Is it true, Kuga-san?" she asks.

"Is what true?" a bitter tone in my voice.

"You know, uh..." she trails off, somewhat embarrassed.

I take in a big breath, trying to calm myself, before speaking again. "No, I don't know. If I did, I wouldn't be asking."

"That you are dating Yuuki-san from the first year."

"And this is something a lot of people have heard?"

"I heard about it today, but I think some people heard about it yesterday."

"I see. Thank you, Fukuzawa-san." I turn and walk from the classroom, trying to keep my pace calm as I make my way downstairs, intending to go to your homeroom, but I hear raised voices as I reach the second floor, drawing my attention towards a crowd gathering in the corridor. Some stupid argument over something trivial, no doubt, though it's surprising that it's managed to flare up on the first day back. And then I see a flash of red amongst the sea of bodies.

I shoulder people out of the way until I break into the centre of the crowd. It takes a few seconds for the scene in front of me to actually make any sense, and then I'm quickly moving, catching the wrist pulled back ready to lash out. Green eyes bright with anger turn to face me, but they quickly lose their venom as they realise who it is that stopped them.

"What's going on here?" I ask softly in the silence that suddenly fills the corridor. You don't say anything, instead falling to your knees in front of me, arms looping around my back as you sob into my stomach.

I turn my head to look at Chie where she was cowering against the window, before looking down at you. I rest my hand on your head, gently rubbing. "She's didn't do it," I whisper, before joining you down on my knees on the floor. Your head rests upon my shoulder as you cling to me, but I ease you away, tucking your hair behind your ears. "What do we care anyway? Fuck 'em if they look down on us." I lay a soft kiss upon your lips, before helping you up to your feet. "Let's just get out of here for today," I say, as I scoop you up into my arms. The crowd parts as I walk through them and make my way downstairs.

The walk to the dormitories seems to take forever, but I don't mind at all, just enjoying the feeling of your arms wrapped around my neck as you rest against my upper body. As we reach your apartment, I help you into bed, doing my best to ignore the sight of bare flesh as you change into that ratty t-shirt you sleep in. I sit on the mattress beside you, stroking your hair as you look up at me with big eyes. "Go to sleep Nao, I'll be here when you wake up," I say softly, leaning in to plant a soft kiss upon your forehead.

When you finally fall asleep, I head into the bathroom, giving my face a wash, before staring into the mirror. I can't keep my shoulders from shaking, having to look away, slamming a fist against the wall. Drying my face off, I make to go back to the bedroom, but I see Mizunashi sat on the sofa, just staring at the wall opposite her. She looks up at me as I draw near, but shrinks away from the thunderous expression I know I'm wearing upon my face.

"It was you who told everyone," I say in a matter-of-fact voice.

She doesn't respond, instead looking away from me.

"I realise you didn't do it to hurt her, you were just surprised. You had a piece of juicy gossip and you wanted to tell everyone. You just didn't think through the consequences, did you?" And then I'm by her side, grabbing her arm and dragging her to her feet. "Or did you just think you'd get away with it? Did you think I wouldn't know it was you?"

I pull her into the bedroom; I know I'm hurting her, but she doesn't make a sound. "Look at her!" I hiss into Mizunashi's ear. "She nearly attacked Yamada-san today. She broke down crying in front of a crowd of students. She hasn't spoken a word to me since then. And all of this is because you couldn't keep your mouth shut."

She's crying now, but I don't care. "You have no conception of how much you hurt her today. When she wakes up tomorrow, you're going to take responsibility for your actions and tell her what you did, and you're going to take whatever punishment she dishes out. And I'll tell you this right here and now, whatever she does will be tame compared to what I would do in her place. Do you understand?"

I let go of her arm, grabbing your keys as I stalk from the apartment, heading back to my own. It pisses me off how irresponsible people can be with others emotions, not thinking about how silly little things can have terrible repercussions. Too many times I hurt Shizuru with my carelessness, insensitive towards her feelings. Changing quickly, I return to your apartment, and Mizunashi's nowhere to be seen, probably a good thing. I was too harsh on her, I know that, but I was just so damn frustrated. Returning to the bedroom, I pause in the doorway, watching you sleep, curled up into a ball on the bed. I pull in a chair and set it next to your bed; I sit in it, taking your outstretched hand in mine and just wait. Waiting is all I can do.


	12. In Folded Arms

**A/N:** Merry Christmas! It's a short chapter, I know, but consider it my present to you! ...So what if I'm being cheap

**Tremalkinger:** I have to admit I still wonder whether I should have waited before outing them, just to put them through even more stress. I do so love the stress!

The Hasegawa Yumi thing was a total coincidence, but when it came to giving the class president a name, I just couldn't resist giving her Marimite Yumi's family name. I haven't watched the OAV yet, but I have most definitely been looking forwards to it.

Oh, and I think I will put more effort into writing the other fic I gave you a glimpse of, but it's low priority at the moment.

**b14ck-r053:** Talking to Fukuzawa, Natsuki was totally channeling Shizuru's awesome powers, managing to somewhat conceal the internal toil. With Mizunashi on the other hand, she tries to be responsible but strict, but she gets more and more pissed off as she goes on. She admits it herself in the final paragraph. It's little details like that I love writing, about how a person tries to be and how they actually are, breaking through veneers of civility into a person's true emotions. Makes for lots of stress! xD

**Icarium:** I so want to talk more about Mizunashi, but I think I should really save that for actual in-chapter stuff, shouldn't I? Nao on the other hand... I just don't want to spoil!

Natsuki I was really happy with in writing this chapter, most definitely my favourite so far. But all the credit shouldn't go for what I've written, Natsuki's progression was definitely aided by her development in the series; what I have been describing in the story so far is largely logical progression from that point. Or at least, my own brand of fuzzy logic . That's the thing I love about how I write stories really (Oh, I'm so blowing my own horn here, I know); instead of just setting down what will definitely happen and work towards reaching that end, which can lead to unbelievable developments in order to reach targets, I try to let the characters tell their own story for me. If only I could get them to write it too... xD

I so wasn't being serious with the whole 1,500 characters thing, I meant it figuratively! And I really have no idea if I could even write Haruka credibly; maybe her main personality, but I have no talent for puns, let alone ones in japanese!

**Krampus:** Indeed, making out in toilets is never comfortable, even if it may well be fun!. And now I'm having dirty thoughts about all those bars and things in disabled toilets...

Moi? Cruel? As if I'd deliberately stretch things out just to torture my readers. I just don't update for long periods of time. Far easier!

**nytecat:** I'm always happy to pick up new readers! Another one to notch up to changing the summary (It's on its third version now!)

For such a short chapter, I still manage to drag out the Author's Note. Eep!

One last note though! "The Unnamed Feeling" by Metallica, from their St. Anger album is totally fitting as the theme song for the first arc of Tea Cosy!

* * *

**Chapter Twelve - In Folded Arms**

It's hard, especially the nights, when it's just me and the voice inside my head, telling me what a complete and utter fool I am. I don't know whether it's right or not, but I do know that I feel regret about my actions. Could I have done it in some other way, or did I not need to do it at all? I pick up the phone nearly every day now. Sometimes I even start dialling, but I never do make that call. Even if it were only to talk to you, not for any other reason, I don't seem to be able to bring myself to do it. Pride, maybe, is the reason why. After so much soul searching, I made a decision and acted upon it, and I don't dare let myself contradict what I have already done. If it were not the right choice, then what other things have I done in my life that are wrong? How much am I truly to blame for? What could I have done better?

I sit at the desk in my room and start decompressing the notes I took during today's lectures. The semester has only just begun, so the subject matter is far from overwhelming, though I have never truly been troubled in such academic matters. I must always conduct myself with grace. That is what I was taught. I must always mind my manners. I must always watch my tongue. I must always guard my thoughts. I must always cloak my actions. I must always be a lady. I must. I must. I must. I must live in a cage. I must have no freedom of my own. I must do what I am told. I must not ask questions. I must obey.

I feel sick. I already know how my entire life will go, its course already mapped and plotted by my elders and betters. It is curious that the 'better off' a person is, the less control they have over their lives. Surely by this logic, the homeless are truly the freest of people upon this earth, but that seems to go against the rhyme and reason of society. What is the worth of money if it only serves to imprison us? There are times that I wish I could give all of this up and live a life of my own. Indeed, for one short period of time, I truly thought that I could. But reality is a cold and cruel mistress, luring us into fallacies of the mind, only to whip out the rug from beneath our feet. Truly, the fate of all existence being upon the whimsy of a flighty goddess seems a far from unlikely thing to me. Truthfully, none are more cruel than those who have gone before and are unhappy with the fruits of their labour, and thus seek to make sure those who come after must suffer the same fate. Pride, as always, brings everything down to the basest of desires: one-upmanship.

In western theology, it is said that Pride is the Devil's favourite of the seven deadly sins, that Lucifer Morningstar loves nothing more than to watch humanity trick itself into beginning their own fall, with no intervention of his own. Surely he would find my own situation worth a good few hearty laughs, before wiping his eyes and moving on to observe the next one. For it must be pride that keeps me perpetrating this cycle of stupidity.

No, you were my chance to break free, you were my reason to buck this trend, and I pushed you away before deciding that there was no true future for the two of us together. Would it have been different if I had acted differently during the Carnival, that I had not wreaked such havoc? Or am I merely seeking to lay the blame at the feet of that one short period of time, instead of accepting responsibility for that which I have wrought?

I lay my pen down besides the pad I have just finished expanding my notes onto. Taking care to remove the used sheets from the pad without tearing them, I then apply adhesive reinforcements rings to both sides of each hole. I open up a ring binder that also sits upon the desk and in goes the paper, the first of many for this semester. I move the binder to a corner of the desk, making sure it is square to the desks edges. Everything orderly and neat, just as I was taught.

I wish I could cry, but that would be losing control, it wouldn't be the correct thing to do. It was only during the Carnival that I could break free from my dogmatic lifestyle. After all, how often can you hunt down your brethren with a licence to kill? If such a situation does not allow for the rules to be broken, or at least circumvented, then what is the point of anything at all?

I hear a phone ring, and realise that it is my mobile phone. I hit the answer button as I bring it to one ear. I hear the caller's voice, but I don't recognise it

Letting out a breath I didn't even know I had been holding, I lower the phone to my lap and lean backwards in the chair, trying to calm myself down. I hear the voice on the phone a few more times before I realise I should respond. "Yes," I say into the phone. "My apologies for the delay in answering."

"No, not at all. You aren't intruding upon my time."

Stupid girl, why are you phoning me?

"It certainly is nice to hear from you."

No, I don't remember who you are. Just another of the girls that would fawn over me, I assume.

"It does seem like quite a while, doesn't it?"

Was this all you called me for? There are better things I could be doing.

"I see."

You should be very careful in picking your words.

"Indeed."

I...

"Thank you, it is certainly good to hear such news."

"No, I didn't know of it."

What do I... No. I can't. Not now. Not ever.

"Yes, I'm sure she would have called and told me soon enough, but that's quite alright."

This is my fault.

"Thank you for the trouble."

I really wish you hadn't.

I press a button, ending the call, and then carefully place the mobile phone upon the desk. Only three times in my life have I ever cried, and all but once was in relation to you. Never again. Never again.

If only it were that simple. I took myself away from you to try and diminish the pain I felt, but it has not worked. Part of me says that it merely requires more time, but I have never been much of one for waiting. Except when it came to you. For years I waited. And now it seems, if I had but waited a few months more...

The news begs the question really, just what am I going to do about it? Or is there nothing I neither could nor should do? My heart begs for me to act, but experience tells me that giving in to my heart only leads to further trouble. And yet...


	13. Girls, Interrupted

**A/N:** Huh. Well, um. Whoops?

**littleleaf89:** The person who called Shizuru is actually completely and utterly inconsequential. I figure it was one of her chippies in the fanclub who wanted to gossip, rather than someone of any real importance to the story. Of course, I might change that in the future, but at the moment, she's irrelevant.

**Icarium:** Shizuru is most definitely a problem for me when it comes to writing her, but as you said, she is pretty much integral to any Nao/Nat story. She tends to keep her true emotions on the inside, so it's not easy to get to grips with her actual personality, meaning I have to be somewhat creative with her. I'm not completely happy with the Shizuru I've produced so far, but ah well.

**nytecat:** That's a good thing to hear, though I suppose most of that tension comes from the situation, rather than my actual writing. But nyer, I'm taking the credit for it!

**xSojix:** Yeah, I was slightly disappointed at how short the chapter was, but stretching it out wouldn't have made it any better. At least this one is back to 3k words!

**spikesagitta:** That's what makes this so fun to write. Natsuki, while somewhat surpressed, has a wry sense of humour, and Nao is a snarky cow, the two of them actually working well together when they're not being idiots about one thing or another. Lots of fun to write.

**ThrottaKaze:** I'm quite fond of that last paragraph too, though it might be just a tad over the top. Still, everyone already knows what's going to happen, which deprives it of its potency somewhat. ;;

**Midnight Nomad:** Lord knows she needs it!

**Thepillows93:** Oops.

**DemonicTwister:** Damn straight there needs to be more of them! Only rabid Shiznat fans could not like this pairing!

I'd like to apologise (again) to everyone who's been waiting for this chapter. I got stuck at just over halfway through, and with stuff going on in my personal life, I ended up not writing much of anything at all during 2007. Still, I've made it my New Years resolution to get back to writing, and to finish this fic up in 2008!

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen - Girls, Interrupted**

I wake with a start, my heart thumping inside my chest as my eyes open to darkness. I can't lose you. I don't dare lose you. As my eyes slowly accustom themselves to the gloom, I turn my head and see you, and everything feels right again. It's an illusion, I know that, but for now, for this eternal moment, I can pretend. You're here with me and that's all that matter, the rest of the world can go to hell for all I care. You can't be comfortable, draped halfway across the bed like that though whilst still sat in the chair. Rolling onto my side, I gingerly reach out with my free hand, my other held tightly within yours, and stroke across your cheek. You stir slightly, leaning into the touch, a soft smile gracing your lips, which I can't help but echo.

"Natsuki," I whisper, and your eyes flutter open at my voice.

"Are you alright?" you ask, voice soft, concern in your eyes, but the smile still remaining.

"I will be as long as you're with me," I reply, still stroking your face. You take my hand in yours, pressing a soft kiss against my palm, your eyes never leaving mine. And then you're pushing me onto my back, your body pressing against mine, pinning me to the bed.

"Always," you murmur, your lips finding mine moments later, hands cradling my head as you deepen the kiss. I can feel the need radiating from you as I run my hands down your back to your hips, pushing them up slightly as I shift my legs from beneath you, kicking away the sheets between us, instead squeezing you between my thighs, pulling you into me. A soft gasp escapes and I don't know which of us it was but I don't care.

You give a delightful little shiver as I trail my fingertips across the small of your back, the way you always do when I touch you there. Your hips rock against mine, grinding yourself against me, the baggy t-shirt that's all I think I'm wearing riding upwards to my belly as I move with you, my body writhing in motion with yours. You moan into my mouth before breaking away, resting your forehead upon mine, staring into my eyes as you pant for breath.

Your hands dig into the pillow, one each side of my head as you throw your head back, still thrusting against me. I can't help it, the sight of your bared neck always drives me crazy. Craning my body upwards, I swipe my tongue across your throat, the taste of your sweat overwhelming me. You growl this time, a low, guttural sound I can feel vibrate against my mouth as I leave slow, sucking kisses all over your neck. Sitting backwards on your knees, your hands lift me up into your lap and I happily wrap my legs around your waist, nipping lightly at your throat with my teeth. I can feel your fingers dig into the flesh of my ass as you moan again, rocking and rolling my hips against your own.

I take the hem of your sweatshirt between my fingers, slowly lifting it up your body, catching the t-shirt beneath it as well. You release me, raising your arms above your head as I pull the clothing over them. My breath is taken as your hair falls downwards, cascading across your face and body, the moonlight creeping in through the window causing it to shimmer. I don't think I could express with words how beautiful you are to me at this moment, how crazily my heart is beating within my chest, how much I just want to hold you, make love to you, make you mine in every possible way I can.

Slowly, I trail my eyes down your body, taking in everything I can see. I never realised how slender you are, even when you're wearing your leathers, and I certainly didn't think of you as buff, but as I run my fingertips over your abs, firm but soft at the same time, I'm not complaining. My touch rises higher, trailing over your ribs as your breath hitches, before brushing over the fabric of your bra. I look back up at you, my eyes meeting yours. "You're so beautiful," I whisper, before leaning in to deliver a soft kiss on the lips. "So beautiful."

I run my fingertips between the cleft of your breasts, the touch of your skin intoxicating to me. Gently I lean downwards, a soft press of my lips where my fingers had been moments before, my tongue tracing the curves and contours.

And then you freeze, your body perfectly still, not even breathing. Cautiously, I look back up at you, not knowing what to expect. Your expression is sad as you stare right back, before taking a deep breath, a small smile coming to your face.

"Nao, we have to stop," you say, your voice soft but calm.

It hurts. It hurts to hear you say that. "But... I don't want to..."

You raise a hand, running the back of your fingers down my cheek. "Neither do I, but we have to." You pause, a frown coming to your face, eyebrows drawing together giving you that cute little wrinkle on your brow. "Unless you really want an audience for our first time. Do you want to traumatise your roommate?"

Oh hell, Mizunashi. I'd forgotten about her. My body slumps against yours, my forehead resting upon your shoulder as you wrap your arms around me, hands softly rubbing my back.

"Let's just go back to sleep, alright?" you whisper, placing a soft kiss on the side of my head. "We've got plenty of time, Nao."

You lay me back down on the bed, before swinging your legs over the side, standing up. I reach out, grasping your hand. "Don't go," I plead, but you just smile again.

"I'm not going anywhere, just don't want to sleep in these jeans," you say. I lie there and watch as you take them off, tossing them to the floor before turning around and bending over to reach for your sweatshirt, tugging out the t-shirt caught within it. Pulling the smaller garment on, you turn back to face me and blush at the leer I'm sporting.

"I can't help it, it's a very nice view from here."

"Enough of that, thank you very much," you reply, voice stern but a small smile still on your face. Grabbing the sheets from where they'd fallen to the floor, you slip onto the bed beside me, draping them over the two of us. Pulling me into your arms, I rest my head upon your chest and let out a small sigh. Sleep is going to be hard to get with you so close to me; I'm all riled up. But I'm with you, and that's all that matters.

* * *

I'm alone when I wake up this time, but it's alright. I have faith in you, that you'll stay beside me. Tossing the covers aside, I lumber out of bed and do a few stretches; sleeping always makes me feel somewhat constricted. Letting out a large yawn, I pick up hushed voices coming from the main room, and I sidle up to the door whilst grabbing some clothes.

"Is she going to be alright?" It takes me a few moments to place the voice, and the recognition churns inside of me.

"She took it kinda hard, Chie, but she'll be fine I think. She's stronger than she realises, than anyone does," I hear you say, and my heart swells. "It might take time, but she'll be fine."

"Do you have any idea who it was who started spreading it?"

"Oh yeah, I know exactly who did it. I've had words with them already. Anyway, I should go check on her. I'm sorry about how this went down, but I have to admit, I'm kinda relieved it's all out in the open. Whatever happens now is inevitable, but however bad it gets, we can face it together."

"I'm happy for you, I really am Natsuki. I'll leave you two to it."

As I hear the front door open, I back into the centre of the room and start getting dressed.

"Oi, you decent in there?" I hear you say through the door, and the thought of being evil crosses my mind, but I shake it away.

"Give me a moment!" I yell in reply. It's only now that I realise Mizunashi isn't in her bed, so caught up I'd been in my eavesdropping. I guess she heard the rumours, or maybe we woke her up last night, and she felt kinda uncomfortable being around us. It's a shame really, I think she was someone I could have gotten on well with, and now I might have already ruined it.

Changing into my uniform, I open the door to see you standing there, waiting. You're still dressed in the clothes you were wearing last night and now I know you kept your word and didn't leave me. We stand there, just looking at each other, watching, waiting. Wondering where this awkwardness comes from, and remembering how close we were last night. I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks as I watch you blush, but neither of us look away, neither of us wanting to.

Slowly, you extend your right hand; it's shaking just like mine is as I reach out to take it with my left, our fingers interlocking. We step in together, our free hands joining in the same way as we lean forwards, resting our foreheads against each other. I can feel your breath, warm upon my face and it sends shivers racing up my spine at your closeness. The tension between us is palpable, both of us unwilling to take the next step. For all of my usual forwardness when it comes to being close to you, I still panic at the knowledge of how far we could end up going if we just let ourselves lose control. To let you in that close, to expose myself to you so fully, I don't know if I could do that. Last night was all in the heat of the moment, but now, now it seems so hard.

And then I say, "Fuck it," and surge forwards, wrapping you up in my arms, moulding my body to yours as I claim your lips hungrily. You're mine, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let something as stupid as this stand between us. Lumbering backwards, I pull you with me into the bedroom, slowly making our way towards the beds. I topple over as the back of my legs hit the bed, pulling you with me, your hands shooting out to stop yourself from crushing me beneath you. Holding yourself above me, I stare into your eyes and I can see the indecision lurking there, but I've no intention of stopping now. Slipping a leg between yours, I raise it so that it presses against your centre, and I moan a little as you hiss at the touch, pressing down firmer against my thigh. Even through the denim of your jeans, I can feel the heat radiating from you.

Slipping my arms from around you, I undo my jacket, throwing it open before starting to unbutton my shirt from the bottom up, your eyes following them as they move as I smile to myself. Leaning upwards, I press my lips to yours as I shrug the clothing from my shoulders, pulling them off down my arms and tossing them away from the bed. Breaking away from me, your eyes trail down my body and back up, focusing on my breasts as I lay back down, arching my back to present them to you. Tentatively, you brush your fingers against one, briefly looking up at me before returning your concentration to my chest as your hand continues its exploration with more confidence, cupping a breast and squeezing lightly. I can feel my nipple tighten, pressing upwards through my bra into your palm. Reaching behind my back, I unhook my brassiere and slip it off, moaning as I feel your fingers roaming across the exposed flesh of my breasts.

"Are you in there, Natsuki?" comes Mai's voice from behind the door to the apartment, and we both freeze. You draw away from me quickly, getting off the bed and rising to your feet, backing away as colour rises to your cheeks. Yet again we're stopped. I sigh as I get to my feet, eyes scanning the room for my clothing.

"Just a moment!" you call through the door as you turn away from my state of undress, causing me to frown. Only a moment ago your hands were roaming my body, and now you can't even look at me. And I sigh again, knowing I can't blame you in the slightest. We were both lost in the moment, and I know this level of intimacy isn't at all easy for you. Getting redressed, I move to your side, pressing my hand against the small of your back. You start, turning quickly to face me, head dropping in shame instead of meeting my eyes.

"We weren't doing anything wrong," I say as I bring a hand to her chin, raising it so she has to look me in the eyes. I can see the fear in there, mixed with shame, and I'm not sure what exactly it is that's upsetting you, but I wish I could make it go away. "Nothing's wrong, Natsuki," I whisper, before leaning in to press a light kiss against your lips. Resolving to put a brave face on it, I give you a quick hug and a smile. "Come on, let's not keep her waiting."

Slipping my hand into hers, we move to the door, which I open to Mai's concerned expression. Just what I need. "Hey, come on in," I say, forcing a smile to my face. I really don't want to deal with the big-boobed one right now, even though I know she's only being a friend. I can still feel your fingers upon me, the warmth pressed against my thigh, and all I want is to be back in there with you, continuing from where we left off, but a quick glance at you strongly suggests that it won't be happening. "I assume you heard all about my little breakdown yesterday."

"Are you alright? ...Sorry, that's a stupid question, isn't it?" She looks down at the floor for a few moments, before her eyes drift back upwards to where my hand clasps yours. "So it's true," Mai whispers, and for a moment I freeze, but the slight squeeze you give me makes me relax a little.

"Yeah, it is," I reply, my voice a little tight.

"I'd wondered you know, the way you two have been acting the last few weeks." And then she gives a big smile. "I'm happy for the two of you!" she cries, quickly pulling us both into a big hug. Looking over her back, I can see the surprised expression on your face, surely mirroring my own, before we both hug her back. I let out a breath I didn't even realise I'd been holding. Since when was I so worried about what Mai thought about me, about us? And why? She's... she's my friend, of course she's happy for me, she won't freak out about it. Neither will any of my other friends, not if they really are my friends. And screw anyone who isn't, what do I care if they hate me?

Mai releases her hold upon us and backs up a step, a large smile on her face. "Of course, the two of you will have to tell me all about how you got together later, but for now, I'd better head off for classes. I'll catch you two after classes!"

After she lets herself out, you and I just stand there for a few moments, staring at the door, before turning to face each other and laughing. "Maybe we should edit it a little bit before telling her," you say, wiping a tear from your eye.

"Aw, but trying to kill you sounds so romantic!" I exclaim, a mock pout on my face as I try to stifle my laughs.

"Maybe for you, but you've always been a sadist," you reply, your grin taking the edge off your words.

"As if you don't like that, masochist Natsuki!" I respond, punching you in the arm as I laugh again.

"Well," you say, your expression becoming much more composed, though a small smile tugs at your lips, "I should go get changed if we're actually going to classes today, so I need to go to my room." Reaching out to me, you take my hand in yours, giving me a shy look. "Come with me?"

"Like I have any intention of letting you out of my sight any sooner than I have to, Natsuki."

We walk in silence to the stairs, heading up two floors and along the corridor to your new room. You unlock and open it, without releasing my hand, tugging it gently as you go inside before letting it go with a smile, turning to go into your bedroom.

Closing the door behind me, I can hear you taking off some of your clothes, and I make up my mind. Undoing the buttons of my shirt, I toss it aside as I follow you into the bedroom. You look over your shoulder as you hear the door open, your panties halfway down your legs, a large blush spreading across your face. I can feel all the moisture in my mouth dry up as my heart thunders in my chest at the sight of you undressed so.

"What are you--" you start to say, but I move in quickly, silencing you with a slow, lingering kiss as my hands guide your body in turning to face me.

"I believe we have some unfinished business," I whisper huskily as I end the kiss. "Why don't we pick up from where we left off?"


	14. Bodies in Motion

**A/N:** Not quite as long a gap as last time, though still too long really. Hopefully I can get on with this more now that I've got this out of the way.

Any constructive criticism towards the content of this chapter wold be highly appreciated, since I'm not particularly confident in my ability to write such scenes.

I do need to stress that this chapter is particularly adult in nature, much more so than anything that's gone before in this fic. Hopefully it's not in bad taste, and not so adult that it gets this fic deleted. Here's hoping!

**b14ck-r053:** It's starting to get not-fun that everyone's expecting the excrement to gain aerial velocity in relation to the spinning cooler, being that we all know that that's exactly what's going to happen, sooner or later. But at least I can keep you guessing as to when it'll happen, and I do have at least one surprise in store...

**Hoppy-chan:** And that's why Story Alerts are great. Even with my updating schedule (hah, now that's a joke if ever there was one), you don't miss chapters. Though, I imagine it'd be a lot nicer to read this all in one sitting, god knows I hate waiting for updates myself. And I'll beat the shiznat out of you, if I have to!

**Spikesagitta:** One of these days, I'll get back to updating the way I did back in 2006, I swear.

...Oh god. 2006. This has been going on for WAY too long. It's kind of sad it's taken that long just to get fourteen chapters in xD

**natsuki91:** And yet, that's what you had to do. Hah. Get used to it, it seems to be a recurring theme with me xD

**-Rikku-Spira-:** Thank you for all of the reviews! It's always great to see new readers after all this time, more suckers to have to suffer my slow updating! Mwahahahaa!

**DemonicTwister:** Holy crap! 100th review! I am pretty stoked by that, certainly not a number I really expected to reach.

**The Blue Lone Wolf:** I have to admit, I've not really been reading M-H/O fics for quite a while, not since way back when this was like, only the second one or so on , so I've no idea if the pairing has picked up in prevalence, but there's never enough! Natsuki is a character that's easy to have a lot of fun with, and Nao, at least to me, is the deepest of all the characters in the series. And they have such fun chemistry!

**Natsuki The Wolf:** I almost didn't write this scene, instead contemplating skipping over it, or just giving lip service to it, instead of what actually happens. As I mentioned in the Author's Note, I'm not overly confident in writing this kind of thing, but I'm also a bit worried about oversexualising this. Oh well, what's done is done.

I'd like to say a big thank you to everyone who's stuck with me so far, and to those who are a lot newer to the story. It constantly amazes me that people keep coming back to this, even with the ridiculous delay in chapters you've had to suffer through repeatedly. I'm not sure I'd have stuck to this without you all, so thank you very much.

Oh, and spot the Buffy reference :D?

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen - Bodies in Motion**

It's like I'm not really here as I feel my body being gently lowered to the bed, your lips warm against mine. Your skin glides over mine as you press your body against me and I can feel everything all at once, the moistness of your tongue as it tangles with mine, strands of red hair tickling my face, your knee wiggling its way in-between my thighs, and yet, I feel a million miles away at the same time, like this is something that couldn't possibly be real, be happening to me right here and right now.

Fingertips trace down my leg as your lips move to my neck, my body unconsciously arching into your touch. Am I really ready for this? To go this far with you? But I can remember how your hands felt on my bare skin, how electricity ran up my arms as my fingers stroked your breasts, how the darkening in your eyes made my legs shake with weakness and I realise that I'm overthinking all of this, that it all just feels so much better when I let go and just act.

My arms slip around your waist, hands briefly resting on the small of your back as you look up, your eyes meeting mine. Leaning upwards, I press my lips to yours, entwining our tongues as I raise my hands upwards, fumbling with the strap of your bra before finally managing to get it undone. Slipping my fingers under the straps, I slip them down your arms, taking in a sharp breath as your nipples are uncovered. Unsure what to do with your bra, I just toss it across the room with no sense of direction as I watch your breasts sway slightly. Licking my lips, I look up into your eyes and feel myself melt under your soft smile.

Your hands come to my shoulders, easing me back down to the bed before you straighten up, undoing the button and zip on your skirt, slipping it down your legs along with your panties. All the moisture in my mouth dissipates as you bare yourself to me, my eyes focusing just below the neat thatch of red hair revealed. Kicking your underwear away, your hands slide up the inside of my thighs, easing them apart as you lower your hips to lay in-between them.

I can feel my whole body tremble at your closeness as you stretch your body out over mine, our breasts squeezing together as your hands slip around my waist, pulling my hips up into yours. Arms shaking, I reach out and cup your face, bringing your lips to mine as you start to rock our bodies together, short yet sweet kisses igniting fire within my veins.

The moan erupts from my lips unbidden as a hand cups my breast, squeezing softly, thumb idly brushing over my now erect nipple. Repeating the action, a grin appears on your face as I moan once again, and suddenly your lips descends upon me, sucking my flesh into your mouth as your tongue thoroughly lathes my breast. My hips aren't under my control as they thrust upwards, bucking against your body. I can feel you growling with desire as you surge upwards, lips meeting mine with ferocity as you drive yourself into me, a trail of slickness running down my thigh from you.

As your hand trails down my body, my breath starts to hitch as I realise your intended destination. Can I really do this? Can I truly give myself to you like this? But before I can say anything, your hand is cupping me and I yelp into your mouth. I can feel myself bubbling up beneath your fingers, my body acting without any sign of the nervousness roiling throughout my mind. Breaking away from my lips, you turn your head to watch your fingers as they trace my contours. And then they're pressing inside of me and I stop thinking about anything except the burning sensation between my legs.

"God, you're so beautiful," I hear you whisper. I turn my head to meet your eyes and I can see the love contained within the green depths. Arching upwards, I claim your lips, my arms slipping around your neck, hands burying themselves into your hair as I savagely attack your mouth. I almost scream as your fingers pump into me, your free arm slipping around my waist to support me as I writhe against your hand.

I can feel a strange sensation growing inside of me, building up and spreading out from my engorged centre. I flop back onto the mattress, my body suddenly unable to support me. My eyes want to close but I don't dare break the connection I can feel with you as you stare down at me. Suddenly I can't breathe as my entire being erupts, lava coursing throughout my veins, my body contorting as my hips thrust upwards time and time again, my gaze never leaving yours as I moan out your name.

And then it's over and I suck much needed oxygen into my lungs. Reaching out with shaky arms, I clasp your head, pulling it down to where I can lay soft kisses upon your lips. I moan lightly as you withdraw your fingers, blushing at the squelchy sound as they leave me. I watch you sit up, raising your hand upwards, sniffing at the digits before your tongue snakes out, giving them a tentative lick. Letting out a soft groan, you suck them into your mouth and I can only stare as your eyes flutter closed.

This urge enraptures me, but I don't know how to express it properly. Instead, I reach for you, pulling you back down to me. As we kiss, I notice a curious taste on you that I struggle to place. "Oh. Oh, wait," I say as I pull away, realisation hitting me. "Is that what I taste like?"

You smile that catlike grin of yours before kissing me again, your hands cupping my face. And now I'm suddenly aware of just how naked the two of us are, lying upon my bed, and I want to run, to cover myself up, to be anywhere but here right now. But I can't, because I know that it would hurt you, to abandon you so, so I fight against the feelings of nervousness and shame that threaten to envelop me.

As you lay down beside me upon your side, looking down on me, I know you can see some of it in my expression, so I reach up, gently caressing your face. "So uh... when did you get so good at that?" I ask, not really knowing what else to say to fill this awkward silence.

Your face shifts into a wry expression. "Hey, I work in a bookstore. Did you know they write manuals on this stuff? It was very... enlightening."

"Huh. A manual." I pause, uncertain of what exactly I'm supposed to do or say next. "Wait, you did research?"

"Well, yeah."

"On how to have sex with me?"

"Um..." Now you look like a deer caught in headlights.

"So you were expecting this to happen?"

"Not exactly," you hastily reply. "I hoped it would eventually, but I wasn't counting on it or anything."

"But you researched it anyway?" I ask, knowing I'm onto something here.

"Well, I, uh... I wanted..." You look away, a blush covering your face. "I wanted to be good for you," I hear you whisper. "It's not like I've done this before, either."

With a hand on your hip, I turn you over onto your back, raising myself above you as I gaze into your surprised eyes. "You don't... you don't have to," you murmur, but I shake my head.

"I want to, Nao. I want to do this with you," I reply, with confidence I don't really feel. Is it right for me to do this? I feel like I owe you, that I should do this, that you deserve to be paid in kind, but are those the right reasons for something like this? Shaking the thoughts away, I support myself above you on one arm, my free hand running softly along your side. I can feel soft hairs brushing against my fingers, the tautness of your skin under my fingertips. Lowering myself, I take your lips with my own, my hand rising back up your body, nails dragging gently over your belly to run between your breasts.

Trailing kisses along your jaw, I shift my hand to cup your breasts, rolling it in my palm, feeling your nipple stiffen and press up hard against it. My tongue flicks out over your pulse point, tasting your skin as you arch your back, pressing yourself firmer into my hand. You gasp as I squeeze, quickly releasing it and taking the firm nub between my fingers. As I tug on it, you squeak, and I struggle not to laugh, though I know I can't keep the smirk off my face. Moving my head lower, I shift my hand to circle your breast, my tongue reaching out tentatively to swipe at your nipple.

Glancing upwards, I notice your eyes are closed, and your hands are grasping the headboard tightly. Keeping my eyes on your hands, I flick out my tongue again, and see your hands flex as they hold on even harder. Are you... holding yourself back for me? Letting me go at my own pace? Making a decision, I lower my mouth, sucking as much of you into my mouth as I can. Sliding my other hand down, I grip your thigh, shifting my position to lie between your parted legs, my breasts resting upon your abdomen. I look up and see your hungry gaze; you buck your hips up, and I can feel a wet patch on my belly. Is that... did I do that?

It's like someone else takes over me, someone with far more confidence and assertiveness than me. My hands move downwards, resting on the inside of your thighs, pushing them wider apart as my tongue trails down your torso, running over ribs and then your abdomen. Soft hair tickles beneath it, and I nuzzle my nose into the thatch, eliciting a moan from your lips.

"You smell," I murmur, and then blush as you suddenly sit upright, your pelvis smacking into my forehead as I realise I said it out loud.

"What?" you shriek.

Quickly I sit up too, waving my hands in front of me. "No, I mean, it's not bad," I say, panicking. "It's just... distinctive. That's all I meant, I swear!"

With a scowl on your face, you lay back down, and suddenly all that courage I had dissipates. I realise just where I had been, and now I don't know if I can really go through with it. Looking down, I can see the glistening pinkness between your legs, and I swallow nervously. I could... I could stop now, right? But then... I kind of want to do this. I do, don't I? That's the truth of it, I WANT to do this with you. I want to be with you like this, I want to experience this kind of closeness with you. Looking up, I see you looking at me, your expression mixed between confusion, nervousness and regret. Springing forwards, I claim your lips, hard and fast, trying to convey to you how much I want this with my kiss.

As I break away, I smile as reassuringly as I can before scooting backwards, nestling myself between your legs once again. It's kind of pretty, I think, as I look at you. Reaching out, I run a finger through the slick folds, your hips shooting upwards at the contact. Bringing the finger back, I take a swipe of it with my tongue, curious as to how you taste. It's kind of salty, kind of tangy, kind of sweet. I really don't know how to describe it. It's kind of like the smell, I guess. It's not bad at all, just... different. I run my finger through again, and your hips jerk once more. I frown slightly to myself, before reaching out my hands to hold your inner thighs, exerting just enough pressure to hold you down. But now I have no fingers free.

Shrugging to myself, I lean forwards, my tongue running through the pinkness. Your hips strain against my hands, but don't move much and I grin to myself. I like this power I hold over you, to be able to make you react like this. I swipe again with my tongue and have to bite back my laugh as you moan with frustration.

"Dammit Natsuki, stop teasing me!" you growl, as I look up your body to meet your eyes. Right, if you insist. Looking back down at the apex of your thighs, I pause for a moment. Alright, I know this, I did it in Biology. Let's see...

Stretching out with my thumbs, I pull the folds open as far as I dare, hoping I don't hurt you. Spying my target, I lean further forwards, thrusting my tongue outwards, the tip poking at the opening. As it enters, I can feel a flood of wetness surge around my tongue, so I assume I'm doing something right. I swirl it around as much as I'm able, before withdrawing. Sucking a finger into my mouth, I get it as wet as I can, before pushing it in where my tongue had been. I spot your clitoris and smile, thanking myself for actually paying attention in that class. I suck the swollen bud into my mouth, flicking my tongue over it.

I can hear you muttering incoherently as you gasp for breath, moans issuing forth every few seconds as your hips match the rhythm of my tongue and finger. Suddenly both of your thighs are clamping around my head. As I add a second finger inside, I loop my free arm around your hips, struggling to hold you down while I speed up my motions. And then I can feel you clamping down around my fingers, your walls closing tight around me as your hands dig into my hair, nails biting into my scalp while you call my name.

You collapse bonelessly to the mattress, breathing jerkily as I gently withdraw my fingers. I sit up, setting your legs back down on the bed and just study you. I can see streaks of sweat running down your body as your chest heaves, your limbs weak and heavy, and I just feel right in this moment. Something... good and special happened here and I did it to you, and nothing has ever felt so right to me as it does right now. Slipping from between your legs, I lay beside you, a hand caressing your cheek before I lean in and press a soft kiss to your lips.

"That was... wow," you say, in-between breaths. "I mean... I studied and everything. And like, you... wow."

"I just, well, I just did what you seemed to like, that's all. Not like I had any clue what I was doing. I've never even... well..."

"You've never masturbated?" you ask, frankly, a curious look on your face.

I can't stop the colour reaching my face, which seems odd to me considering what I just did, but it happens nonetheless. "No, I haven't," I mutter, turning my head in embarrassment.

"Hey, it's alright," you say, wrapping your arms around me. "I figure I've done enough of that the last few weeks for the both of us."

"I know."

"Wait, what?"

"I heard you, in the bathroom. I felt... weird, knowing what you were doing in there, knowing you were thinking about me while you were... you know."

Turning my head to face you, you look me right in the eye, with an earnest expression. "It was never as good as this, I swear to you, Natsuki. Never." Throwing your head back to the pillow, you laugh. "Wow, I'm exhausted." Rolling onto your side, you press a kiss to my lips and then close your eyes. It's only moments before you fall asleep, and I just lie there and watch. What did I ever do to deserve you, Nao? To have you love me so much...


	15. Tower of Babel

**A/N:** Six frigging months. I think this might actually be the longest delay between chapters thus far. Ugh, just checked, and yes it is. Well, it's still going, I haven't abandoned this fic, and I never will. It shall be ended when it's good and ready, and no sooner. Hopefully, the gaps between chapters aren't going to get exponentially longer, and I may actually speed up even, but nevertheless, I won't stop until it's run its course, and that's a promise.

**Spikesagitta:** She can fix motorbikes, she can wipe the floor with street punks, she commands a giant beast... there's no way Natsuki would ever let herself choke at the prospect of making love to a woman. Oh, she'd be terrified at first, but she'd mask over it and push on regardless, and eventually losing herself in it. That to me, is quintessentially Natsuki; someone who beleives that if she puts enough effort into it, anything's possible. At first, this was limited to her revenge upon the First District, but as she's grown as a person, she's developed the ability to turn it to the other parts of her life.

**-Rikku-Spira-:** It's great to be updating. Believe me, it's just as frustrating at my end, or hell, even more so, to go so long between updates. I honestly enjoy writing, and for the motivation to actually do so being so sparse, it really infuriates me. In the end though, I do get the chapters out, and always will until this story is finished, you can count on that.

**Thepillows93:** I know, I know, way too long. But it's still great to see how happy people are to get another chapter from me. Honestly though, I don't want to sound like an arse, but I write for me, and me alone. That other people like my stuff is most definitely a boost to my ego, but if I didn't actually enjoy writing, I wouldn't do it. That's kind of why updates have been so sparse lately, I'm not in the greatest place offline, so I'm mostly too gloomy to get in the mood to write. Those times I do though, I'm a lot happier, and making other people happy too, makes me happier still. It might sound like I'm begging for reviews, but they do actually inspire me to write more, which I guess flies in the face of what I was saying before, but whatever. It's my author's note, so I'll say whatever I want to.

**DemonicTwister:** A stronger bond, eh? Well, we'll see. As for more challenges, they are definitely coming, just not necessarily in the way that you're expecting.

**Icarium:** It wouldn't be so bad, if I actually updated more often. Personally, I hate reading a chapter at a time, so finding large batches of 'em waiting for me is something I'd actually like. As for "Girls, Interrupted", it's a total pun, but I couldn't not make it. As you said, it fit so damn well.

**Ari:** Well, there's more Shizuru to come, if you can wade through all the NatNao for it.

**ProjectGun:** As I've said, Shizuru will be playing a larger part in the third and final act, and she'll get somewhat better treatment than she did in the first chapter of this fic. Whether she'll have a happy ending or not though, I'm not saying!

**Vivio:** Yes, but there's adult content, and then there's hardcore smut, the likes of which could get this fic deleted. I'd really rather that didn't happen!**  
**

**firemaster101:** Comparatively, you've gotten off easy. I mean, six months of waiting? I'd hate it myself, though burying myself into reading other fics makes the wait for certain ones more bearable. Hmm, maybe I should take the time I spend reading and use it for writing instead...

**Shinjutsu13:** It makes me really happy to get responses like this, telling me that I did infact do a good job with the explicit scenes in the previous chapter. As I've stated, I have ZERO confidence in my ability to write such things, they seem to come out too mechanical for my liking, but I was a lot happier with this one than previous attempts. I think it's down to trying to keep characterisation through it, instead of it being just a PWP, along with a little bit of comedy. I'm not sure that there'll be another scene of this type in the fic, but I hope it'll stand me in good stead for other fics in the future. And I'm glad this fic hasn't been deleted because of it, too!

**Disable:** Yes, fine, Shizuru is coming back. But that doesn't mean there won't be a happy ending. Just it might not be a happy ending for Nao. Mwahahahahaa.

Hopefully I'll update before the end of the year. Hell, if I got back to my old updating speed, I could finish it within the year, though I wouldn't get your hopes up for that! Thank you all for persevering so much with me!

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen - Tower of Babel**

Blue. That's what I see as I open my eyes. Craning my neck forwards and inhaling deeply, the smell of your hair fills my nose, causing me to moan softly. There are other scents there, mixed in as well, stale sweat and unmuted sighs, all bound together inimitably. Resting my head back down upon the pillow, I raise my hands upwards, smelling the scent of your still lingering on my fingers, and I remember the feel of you clenching around them, trapping them desperately inside you as you writhed beneath me.

I can't keep the smile from my lips as we lie atop the covers, resting upon our sides face-to-face. How did I get so lucky that this could actually happen? A frown flickers across my features, before I shake it away. I'm not going to do this to myself; I won't let my own negative feelings drag me down. Instead I just watch you sleep, gently brushing away locks of blue hair that tickle your nose, causing your brow to furrow adorably.

Oh ew, now I have to get up; when I start thinking things are adorable, it's a sure sign of a sap overdose. Pushing myself up into a sitting position, I stretch my arms out over my head before looking over at the alarm clock. To my surprise, it's only a quarter-to-twelve; we haven't been asleep all that long. I look down at you for a few long moments, before making up my mind. Screw everyone at school, I don't care if they look at me with hatred or disgust in their eyes, so long as I have you by my side. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about us. I'll be strong for you, and I know you'll be strong for me.

Reaching out, I gently shake your shoulder once, twice, and your eyes flutter open, looking back up at me before a slow smile spreads across your face. "Hey," you murmur, quickly rubbing at your eyes, before sitting up beside me. A flicker of uncertainty crosses your face, before you lean in and press a soft kiss upon my lips, which I eagerly respond to.

I hum with satisfaction as we break apart, a warm feeling seeming to emanate from deep within myself. "We could continue from where we left off..." I trail off, a wolfish grin spreading across my face as you blush, "or, I was thinking we might head to class."

"You want to..." you start, surprise evident in your expression, before you give me another smile. "Sure, let's go to class," you say, quickly drawing me into a tight embrace. "I'm proud of you," you whisper into my ear, and this time it's my turn to blush, as I nuzzle into your neck.

We take turns in the bathroom, cleaning away the traces of our activities, and changing into our uniforms. You fiddle with my collar, straightening it out, before resting your hands upon my shoulders. "Shall we?" you ask, wearing a cocky smile and with an eyebrow raised as if daring me.

"Of course," I reply, winking back, before we leave your room. We walk side-by-side towards the school building, not a word said between us as we move along the path. Despite my decision earlier, I can feel myself getting tenser and tenser as we draw ever nearer to our destination. Your hand slips into mine, giving it a quick squeeze before our fingers intertwine, as you offer me a slightly nervous smile. I feel reassured that I'm not the only one who's nervous about this, but we're both still willing to do this, our strength bolstering each other.

As we finally reach the building, we pause just outside the entranceway, taking a few moments to steel ourselves for whatever may come. I glance over at you, the same time as you do to me, and we both give a soft nod, before each reaching out to pull open one of the twin doors, stepping inside, all without breaking our hold on each other's hand.

The hallways are fairly quiet, since mostly everyone is in class at the moment, as you walk me to my classroom on the second floor. Suddenly you whirl, and press me against the wall of the corridor, your lips claiming mine in a hard, fierce kiss. I moan into your mouth, my arms looping around your head as I push my body back against yours.

"What was that for?" I pant out, short of breath, as you disengage, your hands slipping down to rest upon my hips.

"Because... because I wanted to. Because you're my girlfriend, and damn anyone who wants to think less of us because of that. Because..." your eyes drop down to stare at the floor between our feet, before you take a deep breath and look back up at me, looking me right in the eyes, a determined expression on your face. "Because I love you, Nao."

I feel... I feel... I don't know how to express it, the way your words have lit me up inside. My heart swells, filled with happiness as I cling to you, my head resting on your shoulder. I feel out of control as tears well up in my eyes, yours hands rising to rub gently across my back, soft words whispered into my ear as I sob. I'm such an idiot, crying at a time like this when I'm so happy. Slowly pushing away from your shoulder, your hands cup my face, thumbs brushing away my tears with a look of wry contentment on you face. "I love you, Nao," you say again, and I feel the tears come even harder as I desperately crush my lips to yours.

"I love you too, Natsuki," I finally manage to whisper, pressing my forehead to yours, unwilling to end this physical intimacy we share. We stay like that for what seems like a few minutes, just revelling in each other's touch, before you finally push away.

"I hate to break this up, but we really should be getting to class, Nao. Let's get you cleaned up first though, alright?" you say, taking my hand in yours before leading me to the girl's toilet on this floor. After I splash some water on my face, you dab at it with paper towels from the dispenser, softly smiling the whole time. I think you just like taking care of me, but I'm not complaining, it's not like I've had anyone take care of me for a long time. The gentle reassurance of your presence envelops me and I feel like nothing can harm me.

Finally, we return to the corridor just outside my classroom. Neither of us say a word, just share smiles before you turn and walk away towards the staircase. It hurts a little to see you leaving, but I know it's only for a short while, so I steel myself, before knocking on the door and then letting myself in. Immediately, everyone's attention turns to me, and I catch myself swallowing nervously under the weight of their collective gaze. "I'm sorry I'm late, sensei," I say after walking up to Sakomizu-sensei's desk.

He stares at me for a few long moment, before nodding his head. "Please take your seat, Yuuki-chan, and see me after class ends." Taking my chance to escape, I quickly hurry to my desk and sit myself down. The rest of the Biology class passes fairly quietly, an introduction to the topics we'd be covering throughout the year. I school myself to ignore the occasional glances I get from the other people in the classroom; the only one who doesn't seem to be paying me any attention is Mikoto, but that's because she's asleep at the back of the room. Not that she'd be that bothered by it, I think; I wouldn't be at all surprised if she didn't really understand what was going on.

As the bell for lunch goes and the lesson ends, people start filing out of the classroom, leaving me and Sakomizu-sensei, and a still-sleeping Mikoto, alone. I'm feeling nervous as I walk back up to his desk - since when did I become a scaredy-cat? - and wait for him to finish shuffling papers.

"Ah yes, Yuuki-chan," he says, before standing from his seat and perching himself on the edge of his desk. "While normally I'd be rather perturbed at having a student turn up for class that late so early on in the semester, I think it can be forgiven this one time. I'm sure you realise word of what happened yesterday has rapidly spread throughout the campus," I gulp involuntarily, "so the fact that I see you turning up to class at all is something I take great delight in. I can't imagine how... difficult this period in time might be for you, but so long as you carry yourself as well as you have done today, I believe you shall get through it perfectly well. Just keep believing in yourself, and ignore any spiteful words and accusations, and I'm sure with time that this will all die out. I believe in you, Yuuki-chan, and I know you can get through this. I've watched you grow since that terrible business last year, and if you managed to come through that stronger than ever, I'm sure this will be no problem at all for you." With a friendly pat to my shoulder, he rises once more, and slipping the stack of papers from the desk into his satchel, he quickly departs from the room, casting a glance at the still sleeping Mikoto.

Gently I reach out, placing a hand upon the desk to steady myself as I find my legs seem to have turned to jelly. Just what the hell was that? I really don't know what to make of it, so as I regain my composure, I push the thought of it away. Looking over at Mikoto, a sly expression steals across my face. Walking over to her, I reach out, pinching her nostrils closed, and wait. It only takes a few moments before she wakes in a startle, arms flailing about as she tears herself from my grip, falling backwards off her chair, much to my amusement. Blinking her eyes groggily, she gets to her feet at looks at me unseeingly for a moment, before cognisance fills her features.

"Nao! Nao!" She looks around the rest of the room, seeing it empty. "Where's everyone?"

"It's lunchtime, you dolt!" I respond. "I'm sure Tokiha's worried you haven't already turned up to eat all of her food."

She glows in response, a fearsome growl emerging from her belly, before she springs from the classroom in a rush. Shaking my head, I gather up her things that she left behind, and then make my way out of the classroom.

"Ah, um... Nao-sempai!" comes a voice from behind me. I turn to find Mizunashi standing there looking nervous, playing with her fingers. "Um, could I have a word with you, sempai?"

Suddenly I really don't want to be here, I hadn't thought about her since this morning, and I don't think I really want to hear what she has to say, but then I remember my resolve from earlier. "Go ahead, Mizunashi."

Casting nervous eyes around, she pushes her fingers against each other, before looking up at me, fear in her eyes, and I realise I think I know what she's going to say.

"I... I was the one who everyone about you and Kuga-sempai," she says in a quiet voice, tears dripping down her face.

I school my own expression as I respond with a simple, "Why?"

Unable to read my mood from my face, Mizunashi looks away. "Be- because... it was exciting. I knew something that nobody else knew, that it was such a surprising thing that no one would have thought could be true, and I didn't think about what would happen to you or Kuga-sempai if I told anyone, I was just so excited that I had news to tell e-e-everyone."

I feel a little bad, staring at her cry like this, but still, mostly I'm angry, I'm furious... and what good will showing it do? Will it make me feel better to treat Mizunashi like crap? Will it make any of this have no happened? No. And it's not like you were wrong when you said it was almost a relief that we're out in the open. I sigh, before pulling her small body into a close embrace. She clings closely to me, sobbing piteously while I just hold her.

After a few minutes, she starts to calm down a bit, seeming to realise that I'm not going to do anything horrible to her. Easing her away from my body, I look her in the eye. "I forgive you Mizunashi. After all, what kind of sempai would I be, if I were to get angry with my cute little kouhai?" She gives me a small smile, still sniffing somewhat. "That said," I continue, my voice turning cold, "if you ever do something like this again, I will make sure you regret it. Am I understood?" I snarl out the last three words, the harshness in my tone brooking no misunderstandings. She nods, briefly looking away. "Come on then," I say, my tone returning to normal, "let's go get some lunch. I didn't have any breakfast, so I'm starving."

We stop off in the cafeteria, getting some food, while I drop off Mikoto's stuff with the gluttonous beast, sharing a smile with Tokiha, before heading out to the gazebo, where we find you eating your lunch alone. "Hey," I say, as I draw near, a huge smile on my face, mirrored by the one on your own. It slips for a moment though as your eyes flick to Mizunashi, and then back to me, a look of question in your expression. I give a brief nod of my head, which you respond to with one of your own, before letting the smile return to your face.

"Hey," you finally respond, patting the stone beside you in a gesture for me to sit, which I gladly comply with, nudging you with my shoulder happily. You scowl at me playfully, and I actually find myself giggling, much to my own horror and your amusement. Looking back up at Mizunashi, who's standing by somewhat ill at ease, you tilt your head, indicating she should join us as well.

We sit and talk idly while we eat our lunches, passing the time simply. As it draws nearer to the end of lunch though, you get a serious expression on your face. "You know, you should probably apologise to Chie. Not that I think you have to, she understands what happened and doesn't blame you for it, but still, I think it'd be a nice thing to do. Especially since..." you pause, looking at Mizunashi for a moment, who looks down at her lap, before you continue, "well, you know."

I frown to myself, but I know you're right. She didn't deserve getting all caught up in that scene yesterday, and while I know she's alright about it from her words to you this morning, apologising is something I should do.

"Hey hey, I don't want to get you down or anything," you say, lifting my chin. "Like I said, you don't have to, she already understands."

"No, you're right. I should tell her that I'm sorry for what happened, and what nearly did happen."

"Do you want to go find her now?" you ask softly.

"Sure, let's get it over and done with, so we can all move on already," I reply, taking your hand as we both rise to our feet.

As we return to the school building though, we hear a message being broadcast over the tannoy system. "Would Yuuki Nao please report to the Principal's office? I repeat, would Yuuki Nao please report to the Principal's office?"

We turn and face each other, both knowing there's only one thing this could be about. You squeeze my hand, giving a nod of your head, before we both make our way towards the manor on the outskirts of the school's land.

"Ah, there you are, Yuuki-chan," Himeno-kouchou says brightly as we make our entrance, briefly glancing at you before continuing, "and I see you brought your... friend, too. That's good. Please, take a seat," she offers, gesturing with a hand.

We sit down awkwardly, somewhat put off by the principal's pleasant demeanour and words not exactly meshing with our expectations. "I imagine you believe this meeting was called on account of what happened yesterday? Please, allay your fears, I have already spoken to Harada-chan, and she wishes for no action to be taken against you because of your indiscretion. Nevertheless, this is still a very serious subject. I expect the two of you to be discreet within reason as to your relationship. I certainly have no wish to censor any romantic feelings the two of you have, I just ask that you be aware of the effect you may have upon the other members of the school's population. Does that sound fair to you?"

Sharing a glance with you, I turn back to face Himeno-kouchou and nod agreement, eliciting a smile upon her face, before her expression turns serious again. "However, this is not why I have called you here today, Yuuki-chan. We received word from the hospital earlier today."

My grip tightens on your hand, my other hand balling into a fist as my blood turns to ice.

"About two hours ago, your mother awoke from her coma."


End file.
